Lenny Bruce

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it...try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

There are never enough 'I love you's.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

Communism is like one big phone company.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

There are never enough I Love You's.

All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

I won't say ours was a tough school but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like "What I'm Going to Be if I Grow Up."

The whole motivation for any performer is 'Look at me Ma.'

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish

(On his addiction to opiods): I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.