Karl Pilkington

It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.

Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.

I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.

I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great.

I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.

To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it?

I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.

The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.

I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage.

To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after.

I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about.

I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling.

The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death.

I don't know what 'famous' is, really.

At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.

Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.

We seem to live in a world where you have to walk around grinning like a loon. I can__ understand all the fuss about Mona Lisa painting, everyone wondering why she__ not smiling, if she__ depressed or heartbroken. No, she was just normal!Emotions are always extreme these days: you either have to be crying with laughter or crying in pain. No wonder water levels are rising. It__ not global warming, it__ all the tears from crying.

It wouldn't happen... There hasn't been one publication by a monkey