John Barrymore

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief.

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

My head is buried in the sands of tomorrow while my tail feathers are singed by the hot sun of today.

Happiness sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

He neither drank smoked nor rode a bicycle. Living frugally saving his money he died early surrounded by greedy relatives. It was a great lesson to me.

Dying is the last thing I will ever do.

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.