David W. Earle

Why would God create a defective product? Why would a God who gave me free will require any certain belief? Why would a God powerful enough to create the universe need me to justify His existence? Why would He want me seeking favor with Him to manipulate my entrance to some afterlife?

Late one night, during a toss-and-turn fretful sleep, I pondered my crisis. No solutions were on the horizon. I, again, wasted my psychic energy with prayer. Nothing. No angel on a white cloud. No rainbow__ pot of gold. No way to control the people I loved. As I rolled over and put the pillow over my head attempting to block all that was negative, I silently screamed for rescue. Then, in a far away and distinct part of my brain, a small voice said, __ou have to do this on your own.__ thought, __as that the best You can do?_ This god, to whom I was desperately sending burnt offerings of my own humiliation, couldn__ send an avenging angel or a wise man imparting wisdom? All You can give me is this feeble message of abandonment? At that moment, I quit believing in that god.

If one looks at a balancing scale putting __ear of change_ on one side and __tatus quo_ on the other, they are often in balance. Change is hard. We tend to accept our condition and no matter how painful, we will not change until the balancing scale is tipped - only when the discomfort becomes greater than the fear of change does the scale tip.

Consider letting go of the barriers between yourself and others, let go of the definition our culture has inflicted upon us and allow the best part of ourselves to connect with the wondrous parts of others. Allow yourself to connect in a deeper and more profound way.

When I learned about the gray existing between the black and white of absolute terms, I began to experience more peace. The more I expanded my gray areas (more than 50 shades), the more peace I experienced in my life.

It was His gentle voice who calledand sent His angel pain to guide me, through the long __ dusty corridors, and empty hallways of my soul.

The more judgmental a person is the sadder they are.

This woman__ size protected herfrom the hurts of the worldbut it also imprisoned her soul. As the merry-go-round revolved, she ate another French fry,as a silent scream frozen on her face.

A spiritual hell I lived in _ hating the God of love and knowing the god I served _ hated me!

Often self-love is replaced with self- loathing, compounded by beating ourselves up. We become experts at putting ourselves down, judging ourselves, and finding fault. This creates deep shame that says __ am a mistake_ instead of saying __ made a mistake.

Her screams are heard across generations who dared not scream and died without joy,in silence and isolation.

They sought the pain they knew so well and called it love.

When life beats us down, we often do not feel worthwhile to ourselves nor to anyone else. Often, we try to hide our feelings of inadequacy in pursuit of perfection, which develops into self-loathing. If only we can be perfect, then we can be okay.

For example, I can doubt that 2 + 2 = 4; however, my doubting does not change the equation. When I test out that formula and find that it is true, then that becomes my reality. How can anything become real until it is tested in the crucible of doubt?

To be free to roam our own consciousness and be responsible for ourselves, a letting go process is required. We have to let go of how others define us; what damaging messages remain from childhood; how others define our relationship with the creator; and what expectations they may have for us.

Controlling others is the cornerstone of dysfunctional families.

I, like you, was not depraved or defected before birth but created to be magnificent, a wonderful and freeing realization - simple but explosive.

For many years, I searched for this connection outside of myself but always to no avail. It was only when I turned inward did I find this power.