Craig Johnson

It was a two-gallon Styrofoam cooler - one of the cheap ones that you can pick up at any service station in the summer season and then listen to it squeak to the point of homicidal dementia.

It's only pre-marital sex if you plan on getting married.

I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and her book in my hands. Like a lot of things in my life, I'd just about worn it out, but it was worn out with love, and that's the best kind of worn-out there is. Maybe we're like all those used cars, broken hand tools, articles of old clothing, scratched record albums, and dog-eared books. Maybe there really isn't any such thing as mortality; that life simply wears us out with love.

Interesting office management skills, kind of a 'violence is not the answer so I'm going to beat the shit out of you philosophy.

I'd say the depths of his stupidity have yet to be plumbed, and yours is comin' up fast on the inside turn.

I've seen men ruined by drink, drugs and dodge pickup trucks, but this is the first time I've seen someone ruined by softcore porn...

A writer, like a sheriff, is the embodiment of a group of people and without their support both are in a tight spot.