Bruce Lansky

Parenting: Nobody really wants the job, but everybody thinks they can do better.

Do not oversleep and miss the school bus-you'll be late.That's a habit teachers generally don't appreciate. Never tell your friends at school that you still wet your bed.They are sure to tease you, and you'll wish that you were dead.Never call your teacher a name when she's not near you.Teachers' ears are excellent, so they can always hear you.Do not read a textbook when your hands aren't clean-it's trickyto separate the pages when the pages get real sticky.When you go out for a team it's always wise to practice.When you are a substitute, the bench can feel like cactus.Do not copy homework from a friend who is a dummy.If you do, I'm sure that you will get a grade that's crummy.And if your report card's bad, don't blame it on your buddy.Kiss up to your parents quick, or they might make you study.

What I Found in My DeskA ripe peach with an ugly bruise,a pair of stinky tennis shoes,a day-old ham-and-cheese on rye,a swimsuit that I left to dry,a pencil that glows in the dark,some bubble gum found in the park,a paper bag with cookie crumbs,an old kazoo that barely hums,a spelling test I almost failed,a letter that I should have mailed,and one more thing, I must confess,a note from teacher: Clean This Mess!!!!

Too BusyI've folded all my laundryand put it in the drawer.I've changed my linen, made my bed,and swept my bedroom floor. I've emptied out the garbageand fixed tomorrow's lunch.I've baked some cookies for dessertand given dad a munch.I've searched the house for pencilsand sharpened every one.There are so many things to dowhen homework must be done.

My Teacher Sees Right Through MeI didn__ do my homework.My teacher asked me, __hy?__ answered him, __t__ much too hard.__e said, __ou didn__ try._ I told him, __y dog ate it.__e said, __ou have no dog.__ said, __ went out running.__e said, __ou never jog._ I told him, __ had chores to do.__e said, __ou watched TV.__ said, __ saw the doctor.__e said, __ou were with me._ My teacher sees right through my fibs,which makes me very sad.It__ hard to fool the teacherwhen the teacher is your dad.