Brian Spellman

If you see me standing on my head, I'm trying to cheer you up with my frown. I need my honesty, you my pleasantry.

I hate feeling hate but feeling nothing feels worse.

Self talk and self prayer: When you audible the first and correctly interpret, the white coats correct you in a nuthouse. When you audible the second and misinterpret, the dinner coats swear you to an oath in the White House. Does this make you nuts too? Then outfit your sanity seeking political asylum at my house.

When all seems hopeless, cross your fingers and stick with the secular prayer.

My son, I don__ believe in God, prayer, afterlife or miracles. You may disagree with me on all of these. I__ prefer that you agree and reserve rebellion and independence over important issues instead.

If the mind fits, shrink it.

Psychosis is person less persona, raving sincerity.

All porn stars on Animal Farm are equal but some porn scenes are more unequal than others.

Ignorance is bliss. Wisdom is blisters.

Feed a squirrel and he'll leave you alone every day.

With good morality first candidates you'll get bad candor, bad ethics, bad loyalty and bad morality - lastly bad odor will surface to save the day if you maintain good optimism like I do.

Our archaeological ancestry lost hair while growing sweat glands to reduce panting in the hot African sun. One outcome evolved the origin of our speech. Another conquered our ability to shut the hell up and listen. Now? Politicians grunting "On the Origin of Speeches" past one another.

A good night's sleep counts healthy sheep.

I can't name just one example. Then there's only one.

We contradict all for which we stand for we all stand for the lie the whole lie and nothing but the lie so help save our lying asses.

Mom lied. The crust is the shittiest part.

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear so don't look and they'll stay farther away than you expect they would.

My secret to maintaining a youthful appearance? Immaturity.