Anna B. Doe

I want his eyes to stop looking at me like that, and at the same time, I have always wanted to be looked at just like that. Now, when I look into the brown depths of his eyes_ I feel desired. I feel confident.I feel free.I feel like a woman.

I__ not sure if I managed to respond or not; maybe it was all just in my head, a dream, like all others, in which he sneaks into my head when I don__ have any power to hold him at arm__ length.But William was right about one thing.I did have sweet dreams, or maybe it was just a beautiful nightmare.

I want more from life. I want to travel, see the world, and meet different kinds of people. I don__ want to stay locked in a small country, living my life halfheartedly the way society expects me to live it. I want to experience things and live to the fullest so I won__ have any regrets. I want more, so much more than they do, and they simply can__ understand it.

But, is it more important to stay true to yourself, to what you believe in, or give it up for someone you care about?__isa gives me a warm smile and her hand finds mine on the table.__here is no right answer to that._ She squeezes my hand hard. __t depends on so many things. You are the one who has to choose, to find the balance between what you believe in and what you care about. It__ a game with high risk__ou can lose someone you care about but still have your pride, or_you can lose yourself for someone you care about._ She gets up from her seat. __he real question is__s __are_ good enough to be lost for?

It__ not like you have anything to lose anymore.__y fingers stop at my thumb ring while Sienna__ words echo in my head. Do I have anything to lose? I mean, after all I did, everything I fought against. I slowly turn the ring on my thumb. This simple band has, like all of my rings, one word engraved on it. Will anything change if I go to him? After all, I did lose everything that is important.It__ funny, actually, after the months I spent pushing him away. I thought, like the silly girl I probably am, that if I didn__ give myself to him, I__ be safe, that as long as I didn__ sleep with him, I wouldn__ lose my heart. Shouldn__ I have this one last memory to take home with me?So lost_I came here lost and I__l go home lost. How convenient, and so utterly pathetic I want to give myself one strong shake to snap out of this.

It__ like a domino effect. After all the time of neatly putting the pieces together, one wrong move, one moment of distraction, and all of it comes falling down. The same happens to us. While ignoring all those moments that happened, all the situations when we wanted to do something, make a move and let our impulses take over, we put them neatly one behind other and now it comes crashing down around us.

We both keep quiet. Again.Today just seems like a day for it. It__ easier that way. You don__ have to say things you don__ want to say because once the words are out, you__l have to confront them.Confront your insecurities. Confront your fears.Confront yourself. I think that one, the last one, is the hardest.

For a nanosecond, I meet her gaze.Despite the dark, I can see her eye color__t__ the prettiest, strangest shade of blue I__e ever seen in my life__iercing, dark, and shiny. And then she is gone.

All this time, William doesn__ move from my side, his hand surely and confidently glued to my waist like it belongs there, one piece of a puzzle that matches the other, making the picture complete.

Why did you run away last time?_ William asks quietly, so quietly that at first, I think I__ imagining it...__ecause you are dangerous for me,_ I say in the same tone so that he is the only one who can hear me...__ecause,_ I say, but then I stop, my throat suddenly too dry.7_6_My tongue darts out to wet my lips before continuing in a hurry. __ecause_5__ou could be everything I ever wanted._ 4_3__verything and so much more.