Adam Silvera

Sometimes pain is so unmanageable that the idea of spending another day with it seems impossible. Other times pain acts as a compass to help you get through the messier tunnels of growing up. But the pain can only help you find happiness if you can remember it.

I look up, and Jackson's eyes find mine. For a second, it almost feels like we're about to race into the hole to join you. Being buried alive has got to be better than whatever comes next.

No matter how we choose to live, we both die at the end.

I've spent years living safely to secure a longer life, and look where that's gotten me. I'm at the finish line but I never ran the race.

I guess I could call this energy freedom. No one will be around to judge me tomorrow. No one will send messages to his friends about the lame kid who had no rhythm. And in this moment, how stupid it is to care hits me like a punch to the face.

Yes, we live, or we're given the chance to, at least, but sometimes living is hard and complicated because of fear.

Puzzles are sort of like life because you can mess up and rebuild later, and you're likely smarter the next time around.

I'm definitely of the 'Harry Potter'-transfigured-me-into-a-reader-and-writer generation. And that's really all I read throughout my teen years, because I really devoted all my time to writing and reading friends' fan-fiction.

Entire lives aren__ lessons, but there are lessons in lives.

I'm blown away by how happy you make me. Thank you for being there for me when I'm stupid enough to think I'd rather be alone.

Everyone plays a purpose, even fathers who lie to you or leave you behind. Time takes care of all that pain so if someone derails you, it'll be okay eventually.

There__ got to be some scientific study somewhere that proves your boyfriend__ sweater will keep you warmer and cure you of any illnesses a lot faster, than some Pottery Barn blanket.

Every universe I__e created lately, your face keeps popping up in it.

No one goes on, but what we leave behind keeps us alive for someone else.

But hey, if there__ one bright side to your dying, it__ that you aren__ around to tell me things I don__ like hearing. I__ sorry. That was a dickhead thing to say. I need a condom for my mouth.

I__ give in to the grief but make sure I wasn__ loud enough to draw attention from those who think words will make me feel better.

Then there__ the kind of zombie I__e become now: the one who has lost everything__is brain, his heart, his light, his direction. He wanders the world, bumping into this, tripping over that, but keeps going and going. That is life after death.

I think we__e already dead, dude. Not everyone, just Deckers. The whole Death-Cast thing seems too fantasy to be true. Knowing when our last day is going down so we can live it right? Straight-up fantasy. The first afterlife kicks off when Death-Cast tells us to live out our day knowing it__ our last; that way we__l take full advantage of it, thinking we__e still alive. Then we enter the next and final afterlife without any regrets