romantic-comedy

Her insides began to roar with a ferocious explosion of sensation and entitlement. For a moment, her thinking mind know this was what male and females were put on earth to do.

It__ like I__ suddenly a hormonally charged teenager or living in a bad romance novel: I suddenly can__ stop myself from noticing every man around me. Which means that Darcy, Samantha, and Michael are probably right. Plus, there was that disturbing dream about Voldemort this morning. I need to lose my gay-husband virginity before I lose my mind entirely. I need to find someone to sleep with me. And the fact that I don__ have the faintest idea how to make that happen is just further proof that it needs to.__INGLE-MINDED

It was Valentine's Day and I had spent the day in bed with my life partner, Ketel One. The two of us watched a romance movie marathon on TBS Superstation that made me wonder how people who write romantic comedies can sleep at night. At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall all-the-time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer. Then, within the two hour time frame of the movie, the couple meet, fall in love, fall out of love, break up, and then just before the end of the movie, they happen to bump into each other by "coincidence" somewhere absolutely absurd, like by the river. This never happens in real life. The last time I bumped into an ex-boyfriend was at three o'clock in the morning at Rite Aid. I was ringing up Gas-X and corn removers.

We all say and do things we regret, but it__ never to late to change, apologize and become a better person

that kid may not carry my DNA, but by God, I don__ care. I love that little shit like my own and I want to be his daddy.

Some stories have to be written because no one would believe the absurdity of it all.

Men know that most women want to have an emotional connection with someone before they sleep with them. Men know that a lot of women think it's romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that they have to jump through all these hoops first, before they can get laid. And that's really all romance and courtship is to a man: hoops he has to jump through to get laid.

You know that feeling when you__e suddenly startled out of a deep sleep, and you__e in that hazy middle world where you__e not sure what__ real__ike maybe you actually could be chasing after an ice cream truck wearing only fishing waders and a canary yellow bridesmaid__ dress, or you__e just one answer away from winning a year__ supply of adult diapers on a Japanese game show?__INGLE-MINDED

Those ties...those ties are forever, and I never wanted to be connected to any other person so permanently. Forever was always meant for you and me, Spence.

I want the strings. I want the ball and fucking chain. I want to be so tied to you that you can__ ever slip away from me again.

She__ not ready and maybe she never will be, but I won__ stop trying. I__l be patient if it kills me. I can just see it now. Cooper Hebert died of blue balls and a broken heart.

I want to rip the rest of those buttons open and climb him like a monkey in a banana tree. Oh God, what I would do with his banana...

I find blow jobs to be highly respectable. In fact, I can__ think of many things I respect more than your lips around my cock.

The fish is that perfect, amazing guy it can never work out with__ou know, a bird and a fish may fall in love__ut where would they live? . . . So the fish is your total dream guy, he__ smart, he__ handsome, he gets all your jokes, he loves to talk, he gives you a nine-hour orgasm and then makes you homemade chocolate chip pancakes and serves you breakfast in bed__ut he lives all the way across the country and neither of you can move, or he__ married, or next in line for the throne, or he has a terminal disease or something . . . the fish.

You__e stupid. First of all, I need for you to know that._ __hhh, thanks?_ __hat is the most romantic thing I__e ever heard. What could possibly be more romantic than the man of your dreams swooping in like a white knight? This is your fucking fairytale, bitch, and you__e about to let it slip away..._ Gina growls in frustration. Add a note

He__ so fucking unconventionally perfect. I don__ know whether I want to kick him in the balls or lick his face.

The Dictionary defines Soul Mate as: A person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament. Before I met mine, I didn't know I was bonkers!

You don't have to live in a mansion to be happy. All you need is to create the right space; something that says this is who you are, and you can always change who you are, just as you change your environment.