real-life

My son, Edward, at 4, to a neighbor boy who was being a pain in our backyard: "Oh, don't whine. my mom will throw you right out of here.

Cynicism is what passes for insight when courage is lacking.

Wise men are wise yet their actions always seem otherwise to others who always think of the otherwise

Why do people complain when your crabby but the moment there crabby you tell them to stop moaning they moan so fuckin unreal

In real life, you don't get a reset, and you don't get extra lives, and I got the crap pounded out of me.

You can't get mad at a real ending. Some of them are ugly. It's the fake happily ever afters that should piss you off.

Ah youth, youth! That's what happens when you go steeping your soul into Shakespeare

No matter how "normal" people look, living "ordinary" lives, everyone has a story to tell. And may be, just like you, everyone else is a misfit too.

Some cats are angry at being called cats. To achieve peace with them, never call them by their real name

True love makes you sleep and dream. But loud reality wakes you up

You brought nothing into this world; you will take nothing from it, but please, leave us with something

In short, the man displayed a constant and insurmountable impulse to wrap himself in a covering, to make himself, so to speak, a case which would isolate him and protect him from external influences. Reality irritated him, frightened him, kept him in continual agitation, and, perhaps to justify his timidity, his aversion for the actual, he always praised the past and what had never existed; and even the classical languages which he taught were in reality for him goloshes and umbrellas in which he sheltered himself from real life.

First partakers of love are always enveloped with the real intention

A deus ex machina will never appear in real life so you best make other arrangements.

It was Valentine's Day and I had spent the day in bed with my life partner, Ketel One. The two of us watched a romance movie marathon on TBS Superstation that made me wonder how people who write romantic comedies can sleep at night. At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall all-the-time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer. Then, within the two hour time frame of the movie, the couple meet, fall in love, fall out of love, break up, and then just before the end of the movie, they happen to bump into each other by "coincidence" somewhere absolutely absurd, like by the river. This never happens in real life. The last time I bumped into an ex-boyfriend was at three o'clock in the morning at Rite Aid. I was ringing up Gas-X and corn removers.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Love life comes last in my life. I put real life first.

You don't get explanations in real life. You just get moments that are absolutely, utterly, inexplicably odd.