marriage-humor

A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it.

Marriage is a blast. Like a bomb.

Comparing marriage to football is no insult. I come from the South where football is sacred. I would never belittle marriage by saying it is like soccer, bowling, or playing bridge, never. Those images would never work, only football is passionate enough to be compared to marriage. In other sports, players walk onto the field, in football they run onto the field, in high school ripping through some paper, in college (for those who are fortunate enough) they touch the rock and run down the hill onto the field in the middle of the band. In other sports, fans cheer, in football they scream. In other sports, players __igh five_, in football they chest, smash shoulder pads, and pat your rear. Football is a passionate sport, and marriage is about passion. In football, two teams send players onto the field to determine which athletes will win and which will lose, in marriage two families send their representatives forward to see which family will survive and which family will be lost into oblivion with their traditions, patterns, and values lost and forgotten. Preparing for this struggle for survival, the bride and groom are each set up. Each has been led to believe that their family__ patterns are all __ormal,_ and anyone who differs is dense, naïve, or stupid because, no matter what the issue, the way their family has always done it is the __ight_ way. For the premarital bride and groom in their twenties, as soon as they say, __ do,_ these __ight_ ways of doing things are about to collide like two three hundred and fifty pound linemen at the hiking of the ball. From __ do_ forward, if not before, every decision, every action, every goal will be like the line of scrimmage. Where will the family patterns collide?In the kitchen. Here the new couple will be faced with the difficult decision of __here do the cereal bowls go?_ Likely, one family__ is high, and the others is low. Where will they go now? In the bathroom. The bathroom is a battleground unmatched in the potential conflicts. Will the toilet paper roll over the top or underneath? Will the acceptable residing position for the lid be up or down? And, of course, what about the toothpaste? Squeeze it from the middle or the end? But the skirmishes don__ stop in the rooms of the house, they are not only locational they are seasonal. The classic battles come home for the holidays. Thanksgiving. Which family will they spend the noon meal with and which family, if close enough, will have to wait until the nighttime meal, or just dessert if at all? Christmas. Whose home will they visit first, if at all? How much money will they spend on gifts for his family? for hers? Then comes for many couples an even bigger challenge _ children of their own! At the wedding, many couples take two candles and light just one often extinguishing their candle as a sign of devotion. The image is Biblical. The Bible is quoted a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. What few prepare them for is the upcoming struggle, the conflict over the unanswered question: the two shall become one, but which one? Two families, two patterns, two ways of doing things, which family__ patterns will survive to play another day, in another generation, and which will be lost forever? Let the games begin.

As a society, let's all strive to make "old fashioned" the "new fashion". Husbands make it clear to your wives that you are on a mission to become her knight in shining armor.

Chorus of old men: How true the saying: 'Tis impossible to live with the baggages, impossible to live without 'em.

So, do you not owe it to yourself to bend Andrew__ will to be your own? To make him lose himself to you, so you are one? Is that not why we marry one another? To be one mind, one flesh? -- Mistress Malena Darke

Van Gogh on his brother's upcoming marriage: "It__ because he__ in Holland, where he__ getting married one of these days. Now, while not denying the advantages of a marriage in the very least, once it has been done and one is quietly set up in one__ home, the funereal pomp of the reception &c., the lamentable congratulations of two families (even civilized) at the same time, not to mention the fortuitous appearances in those pharmacist__ jars where antediluvian civil or religious magistrates sit _ my word _ isn__ there good reason to pity the poor unfortunate obliged to present himself armed with the requisite papers in the places where, with a ferocity unequalled by the cruellest cannibals, you__e married alive on the low heat of the aforementioned funereal receptions.

Courting is an activity where a man and a woman flaunt their virtues. Dating is an activity where life exposes the other__ vices.

The greatest wonderful feeling is falling in love.