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Always Sami. I was tethered to her somehow. To that scared little girl I__ found on the staircase nearly a year earlier; to the past, when teaching was simpler and I could care about everyday problems, when being relentless meant running two extra laps, not waiting for an MP to search the undercarriage of a bus for bombs before letting students approach it.

I__ in my classroom and I__ looking at this girl, but all I can see is my dad on the ground, in front of The Wall, telling the truth, finally__is knees drawn and his chest heaving__nd when people pass by they look the other way, except for this one lady who stops to give my dad a hug. She gets down on her knees to reach him, and now she__ crying with a stranger, and without asking I know it__ because she__ lost something, too, and I wonder if in comforting my dad she thinks she can find it again. Probably not. It doesn__ work that way.

In total this journey will take five flights and fifty-five hours, but in reality it began four decades and two generations ago when my uncle died in Vietnam.

For your own security it__ imperative you blend in with the native population.

Ahead in the distance we could see the main gate, but there was a sea of cars, none moving, people standing, milling around, waiting nervously, perhaps fearfully, as heavily armed MPs and military working dogs searched every square inch of every vehicle, searched every bag on every person, all the while keeping a vigilant eye on the long alley we were stuck in, and on the hundreds of rooftops that overlooked that alley, wary but aware that there were people out there who would gladly hurt us again if given the chance.

The only thing worse than his arrogance was his incompetence. He was a bully, behaving like an ass. I saw Angel though, not him. The memorial was right there, just outside the window. It__ in the flowers, and it makes me angry. Angel liked to sit on the couch, watch TV, eat chips. She hated outside. Maybe I should have been a bully and an ass to Angel__ parents. Maybe Angel and Grace would still be alive if I__ behaved like this piece of shit teacher.

It felt like we were reliving the first day of the school year, when students and teachers do the get-to-know-you dance__eachers tell students something about who they are, students pretend to care, and then vice-versa.

A son for a flag is a lot of sacrifice.

Teaching isn__ rocket science. It__ about being engaged, listening, paying attention. Despite conventional wisdom, you don__ need to talk a lot to teach well. You do need to care, though. Not so much about what people think of you or whether or not they like you, but about the kids and doing what__ best for them.

I felt a hand on my back, movement behind me, my guys making room, someone squeezing into our circle, and then one last hand joined the pile: my Korean aide. I guess it made sense. We were her real family. The closest thing she__ ever had to a real family, at least. All year she said maybe five words a day. 'Now kick some ass,' she said.

There are more good people than bad people, and overall there__ more that__ good in the world than there is that__ bad. We just need to hear about it, we just need to see it.

It was too late to pray, though. The sky was clear. The helicopters were gone. Too late for so many things. My fists hit the floor. My head hit the floor. My heart broke, hardened, and I lost my faith. That__ when the killing thoughts came. When it felt right to punish everyone who let this happen. I could start with Angel__ dad__ut where would it stop?

Korea is often called the __and of the Morning Calm._ It__ a country where you notice the filth and the smog on your first trip and you can__ imagine why you ever thought it was a good idea to visit. Then you meet the people and you walk among their culture and you get a sense there is something deeper beneath the surface, and before you know it, the smog doesn__ matter and the filth is gone__nd in its place there is incredible beauty. The sun rises first over Japan, and as Korea is waiting for the earth to spin, for streaks of light to brighten its eastern sky, in that quiet moment there is a calmness that makes Korea the most beautiful country in the world.

I stood with my mom in the cemetery. She felt terrible pain. My grandmother is with God. My mom has to continue living. It__ not so easy, moving forward.

I felt like I should salute. If only I knew how.

I needed to talk to my dad. My dad who had been to war, who had seen its horrors, who suffered from its nightmares, my dad who was a good man, the best man I__ ever known, who, along with my uncle, I wanted to honor by teaching military kids__y dad, the only one who I would believe if he would just tell me I could be good, too, that I could do right by my students, because for sure they were going to suffer. It__ just cause and effect. We__e at war. The military fights wars. I teach military kids. I__ never served, but now I could make a difference. I just needed my dad to tell me what to do, to tell me I was good enough to get it done.

Military life is hard, even cruel__specially for the kids.

This is who I was, before I was dead. When I cared, when I was relentless.