humor

Yuki: "What can I learn from a stupid cat like you? You didn__ even know that Jason isn__ really a bear. He__ a character in a horror film."Kyo: "Yeah? So what if I didn__? Like I__ waste my time watching some movie about a bear!"Yuki: You truly are an idiot.

It's not the tales of Stephen King that I've read,I need protection from the things in my head . . .

This 'web of discourses' as Robyn called it...is as much a biological product as any of the other constructions to be found in the animal world. (Clothes too, are part of the extended phenotype of Homo Sapiens almost every niche inhabited by that species.An illustrated encyclopedia of zoology should no more picture Homo Sapiens naked than it should picture Ursus arctus-the black bear- wearing a clown suit and riding a bicycle.

Don't pick up hitchhikers!"- D. Adams

Whatever one does, someone is always happy...then again, someone else is not pleased

In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied "I love you back" and not "I love your back" before you continue the conversation.

Generally I try to avoid discussing consciousness, since it's, like, hard.

He studied my appearance carefully. __ou cut your hair._ __es. Do you like it?_ __hat depends. How long is it?_ I pulled a curl down and showed him it ended just past my shoulder. He grunted, __hat__ still long enough, so I like it._ __ong enough for what?_ __ong enough for a man to run his hands through.

Have you been walking in the woods in the last few days?" Matt asked.Lola cleared her throat anxiously. What had she managed to do now, catch jungle fever? "We went hiking in the Greenhills on Wednesday. What's wrong?" Her voice sounded squeaky, so she closed her eyes and took a steadying breath."I don't suppose you've heard of poison ivy," Matt asked. He traced the curve of her knee, pushing the hem of her skirt up her thigh. "Small plant, three leaves, glossy green. Causes a rash of small bumps about a day after contact. Sound familiar?

She'd been trained as a child no to trust anyone, but he'd just saved her life, and she was freezing. He could be a yeti for all she cared.

Oh my God, you're huge." She struggled to get her hands to the ends of the long sleeves. The garment hung to her knees. She glanced up to see his lips pressed together, like he was choking on a laugh. The corners of his eyes wee crinkled and amusement flickered in his heated gaze.

Bet you've never had a bear down your pants before. Though I'm kind of a bear in bed. (Rick from Back to Basics)

I__ really enjoying my solitude after feeling trapped by my family, friends and boyfriend. Just then I feel like making a resolution. A new year began six months ago but I feel like the time for change is now. No more whining about my pathetic life. I am going to change my life this very minute. Feeling as empowered as I felt when I read The Secret, I turn to reenter the hall. I know what I__l do! Instead of listing all the things I__ going to do from this moment on, I__ going to list all the things I__ never going to do! I__e always been unconventional (too unconventional if you ask my parents but I__l save that account for later). I mentally begin to make my list of nevers. -I am never going to marry for money like Natasha just did. -I am never going to doubt my abilities again. -I am never going to_ as I try to decide exactly what to resolve I spot an older lady wearing a bright red velvet churidar kurta. Yuck! I immediately know what my next resolution will be; I will never wear velvet. Even if it does become the most fashionable fabric ever (a highly unlikely phenomenon)I am quite enjoying my resolution making and am deciding what to resolve next when I notice Az and Raghav holding hands and smiling at each other. In that moment I know what my biggest resolve should be. -I will never have feelings for my best friend__ boyfriend. Or for any friend__ boyfriend, for that matter. That__ four resolutions down. Six more to go? Why not? It is 2012, after all. If the world really does end this year, at least I__l go down knowing I completed ten resolutions. I don__ need to look too far to find my next resolution. Standing a few centimetres away, looking extremely uncomfortable as Rags and Az get more oblivious of his existence, is Deepak. -I will never stay in a relationship with someone I don__ love, I vow. Looking for inspiration for my next five resolutions, I try to observe everyone in the room. What catches my eye next is my cousin Mishka giggling uncontrollably while failing miserably at walking in a straight line. Why do people get completely trashed in public? It__ just so embarrassing and totally not worth it when you__e nursing a hangover the next day. I recoil as memories of a not so long ago night come rushing back to me. I still don__ know exactly what happened that night but the fragments that I do remember go something like this; dropping my Blackberry in the loo, picking it up and wiping it with my new Mango dress, falling flat on my face in the middle of the club twice, breaking my Nine West heels, kissing an ugly stranger (Az insists he was a drug dealer but I think she just says that to freak me out) at the bar and throwing up on the Bandra-Worli sea link from Az__ car. -I will never put myself in an embarrassing situation like that again. Ever. I usually vow to never drink so much when I__ lying in bed with a hangover the next day (just like 99% of the world) but this time I__ going to stick to my resolution. What should my next resolution be?

I turn my head so that he doesn't see my smile and secretly curse him for making me feel special.

Liz pasted on a smile, trying to appear normal in light of the fact that he had possibly incriminating knowledge on her from the background check. She hoped her application for a marriage license with Craig wasn't in the report. Or her long shopping record for organization systems from The Container Store. Or her many Internet searches for breeds of nonshedding dogs (she was waiting for the house with a yard before getting one). Or her long-time obsession with new cleaning products.

Thanks so much," Daisy said as graciously as she could to the gift of edible underwear from her fiancé's grandmother. She was pretty sure this wasn't covered in any of the bridal etiquette guides.

Ryan couldn't believe his eyes. Gran wearing leather chaps in a Harley shop, talking about her ass. It was a living nightmare."What am I doing here?" he asked Gran. Before he could read her the riot act on safety, Liz stepped in front of him. Her pink shirt was buttoned all the way to the top and tucked into ironed white pants. Her hair was straight and perfect. He had the strangest urge to muss her up.

Focus. She__ Maddie. Your friend. Would you eyeball Keith or Dane__ butt like that? ~ Zach