hilarious

Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.

Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.

Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore.

Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.

Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.

Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.

Even the world__ greatest actor cannot fake an erection.

Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.

Some people__ self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.

We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.

Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.

Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them.

There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.

I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.

The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess.

Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.

Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.