going-on

But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.

I used to be fine in my lonelinessbut somethingor someonesnapped me out of itand showed me company. What it__ like to feel at home,and so the going on by myself part wasn__ as easy anymore.Seasons happened and things got colder and harder and suddenly I found myself smoking circles in the airby myself in the snowand I was not okay.

Take a shower. Wash away every trace of yesterday. Of smells. Of weary skin. Get dressed. Make coffee, windows open, the sun shining through. Hold the cup with two hands and notice that you feel the feeling of warmth.__ You still feel warmth.__ow sit down and get to work. Keep your mind sharp, head on, eyes on the page and if small thoughts of worries fight their ways into your consciousness: threw them off like fires in the night and keep your eyes on the track. Nothing but the task in front of you._Get off your chair in the middle of the day. Put on your shoes and take a long walk on open streets around people. Notice how they__e all walking, in a hurry, or slowly. Smiling, laughing, or eyes straight forward, hurried to get to wherever they__e going. And notice how you__e just one of them. Not more, not less. Find comfort in the way you__e just one in the crowd. Your worries: no more, no less.Go back home. Take the long way just to not pass the liquor store. Don__ buy the cigarettes. Go straight home. Take off your shoes. Wash your hands. Your face. Notice the silence. Notice your heart. It__ still beating. Still fighting. Now get back to work.__ork with your mind sharp and eyes focused and if any thoughts of worries or hate or sadness creep their ways around, shake them off like a runner in the night for you own your mind, and you need to tame it. Focus. Keep it sharp on track, nothing but the task in front of you.Work until your eyes are tired and head is heavy, and keep working even after that. Then take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes.__otice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more.___ou__e doing just fine.__ou__e doing fine.I__ doing just fine.

When bad strikes, most likely you will not get an answer when you ask, __hy?_ Your strength must come from having faith that someday the answer will come and then it will all make sense.