funny-romance

Are those the Edible Undies cupcakes?_ one of the women in the kitchen asked. __hey__e the Nipple Lickers,_ Kimmie answered. __ithout the nipples._ __ heard you perfected the Sex on a Peach cupcakes,_ another feminine voice said. __an you squeeze me in for a double order of Spank Me Strawberries the weekend before Knot Fest?

Josh squeezed her arm. ____l behave,_ he murmured. __or now._ She__ going to pickle your cucumbers._ __e has more than one?_ Natalie whispered. __hat__ between me and Kimmie,_ Josh replied.

In the third cabinet under the counter, she hit the good stuff. __h! You have a KitchenAid._ __f you__e planning on caressing my mixer, you should know that might make my testicles explode,_ he said from behind her. Her cheeks went hot enough to glow. __hat would be awkward.

He was the most handsome nightmare she had ever met.

Heaven__ Bakery help them all.

Is he nice?_ one whispered over her gum paste roses for this weekend__ wedding cakes. __m, obviously,_ Kimmie said. __ou__e why he__ always coming around? I know he__ hot stuff in Chicago, but he always seems so stiff when he comes here,_ another added from the sink. __oney, you want them stiff,_ a third said_

Right on time, sugar._ Josh draped his arm around her shoulders and steered her through the lobby. __raffic okay?_ __eah, except when that alien spaceship landed on I-90 and then all those crickets jumped out to perform Beethoven__ Fifth on kazoos. Otherwise, clear sailing.

Her eyes slid closed, her secret places pulsed in anticipation, and his lips settled onto the skin beneath her ear. That was magic. She held perfectly still. He pressed a kiss to her neck. Then another, lower. A third, even lower. She squirmed. He dropped his hands. __orry. I---_ __on__ stop,_ Kimmie whispered.

Your mother can__ hear you here._ __istance is no match for my mother__ eavesdropping and mind-reading skills._ __ had steel anti-mind-reading plates installed this week. Specially designed to be Marilyn-proof. Also sounds an alarm if she gets within two hundred yards of the building, and I sent the guards downstairs to ninja training. You__e safe.

If my mom sees you here, she__l ---_ __aper the walls with my innards while the innocents watch?

A fake ring. A fake engagement. Fake love. Everything was fake. Shiny and put together on the outside, empty on the inside.

Speaking of cupcakes, Will wants two dozen off your special menu to take on the road after the wedding._ __he, erm, peach kind?_ __he peach kind,_ Lindsey said. __ like the peach kind,_ Josh said. Mikey had named them Sex on a Peach. And they were Kimmie__ second biggest seller, after the Hairy Dicks, which were coconut cake balls strategically placed with Dahlia__ chocolate-covered, ice cream-filled bananas. And Josh__ frown had disappeared, and now he was grinning as if he knew it. All of it.

I feel like I've been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit

I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials

She looks me dead in the face and says, __he safe word is going to be __mmigration,_ because you know I__l stop it.

She giggled. Giggled. Her cheeks pinked, and goddamn, if this plane didn__ get to the gate and un-board them, he was going to pull the emergency hatch.

God, woman._ He closed his fist, not bothering to count off the dozens of other things she shouldn__ do. __ou give me heartburn.___o. Those are orgasms I give you, baby.

This many pretty girls in the room, all watching you boys like you__e a wedding-reception one-night stand waiting to happen_