frankie-perino

How can you say it was all a lie?_ I ask, just above a whisper. __att was my best friend. I loved him that way always. __e have to look out for her._ That was the last thing he said to me alone. And then he died. What was I supposed to do, Frank? Tell me?

He was always worrying about me _ even when we were kids. If I scraped my knee or fell off my bike, he was the first one to help me up and make sure Mom got a Band-Aid._ __ remember._ I smile. __e was the quintessential big brother._ __e was. But that__ just it _ he__ not here to protect me anymore, Anna. And you don__ have to be, either. I know I let stuff get crazy. I didn__ mean to be like that _ it just kind of happened. You couldn__ have changed that. I _ it was something I had to go through myself._ My throat tightens. __ felt like I let him down,_ I say. __ll that stuff with smoking and Johan and Jake _ I didn__ take care of you. I couldn__ even keep that one simple promise._ __nna, my brother died. There__ no way you could protect me from that. It__ up to me, now. I let him down. I let me down.

Dear Matt, We finally made it to California, and it__ just like you told me. I feel you here with us _ I think Frankie does, too._ How dare you write about me in here! How dare you write to my brother! You think just because you fooled around a few times he cared about you? You think he wouldn__ have ditched you the second he found some new girl at Cornell? Get over yourself!

So just over a year ago, there was this guy. I really liked him. I mean really _ since I was a kid._ __id Frankie know him?_ __he three of us were best friends. We basically grew up together._ __omplicated._ __ery. So anyway, last year on my birthday, he finally kissed me._ Sam stays quiet, focused on his feet taking off and landing against the sand. It feels strange to tell him about this for so many reasons, but the words are coming too fast for me to stop, even if I want to. __e started hanging out all the time _ even more than before. Every night. Only we didn__ know how to tell Frankie, because we didn__ want her to freak or feel left out or whatever._ __akes sense,_ Sam says. __e thought it would be better if he told her himself, so I promised him that I wouldn__ say anything. But before he could talk to her about it, he__ I almost choke on the word, holding my hand against Sam__ arm to stop our forward motion along the shore. __hat did he do?_ Sam asks. __e just _ he _ I__ sorry. Wait._ The words of this story have passed a thousand times from my hand to the pages of my journal, but never from my lips to the ears of another living soul. I take a few deep breaths before I__ able to meet Sam__ eyes and say it. __e died, Sam.

Sorry._ I__ surprised and glad she doesn__ recognize it. I run my thumb back and forth over a crusty bit on the shoulder strap as a five-second version of the cake fight flashes behind my eyes like a movie stuck on quick search. Don__ cry over spilt frosting, Anna. __ just _ I like this one._ __hat for?_ she asks. Just tell her. __t__ from the _ it__ just the__ I bite my lower lip. Tell her. __nna? What__ wrong?_ Oh, it__ nothing, really. Just that it__ from the first time your brother kissed me and made me promise not to tell you. And I was in love with him forever, and he was supposed to tell you about it in California, and we were all going to live happily ever after. I still write him letters in the journal he gave me, which he doesn__ answer, since he__ dead and all. But other than that? Honestly, it__ nothing. __nna?_ She watches me with her sideways face again. __uh? Oh, sorry. Nothing. I__ fine. I _ I__l get rid of it later.