fifty-shades

If you call yourself an "authoress" on your Facebook profile, you suck at life. You are stupid and your children are ugly. It doesn't matter if you're just trying to be cute and original. You're not. You are about as original as all those other witless twits "writing" the one millionth shitty Fifty Shades clone. Or maybe you're trying to show your 2000 fake Facebook "friends" that you are an empowered feminist who will not stand for sexist terminology. But you're not showing people that you are fighting the good fight, you're showing people that you are a sheep, who's trying just a little too hard to ride the current wave of idiotic political correctness. The word "author" is no more gender-discrimination than the word "person." Do you call yourself a personess? No, of course not, because then you might as well wear a sign around your neck that says, "Hello, I'm a retard.

I glance down his body. He's still wearing his shorts and his shirt, and I still have my T-shirt on. Jeez-- talk about wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey. The girl in the book lets a rich guy beat her and ritually rape her, and she likes it! She finds it erotic! But imagine if Christian Grey wasn't a billionaire. Imagine if he lived in a dirty old trailer down by the river. Then that story wouldn't be a sexy romance novel, but an episode of CSI.

It's much easier to wear your pain on the outside...

You've brushed your teeth," He says, staring at me."I used your toothbrush."His lips quirk up in a half smile. "Oh Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you?

You are one brave woman," he whispers, "I am in awe of you.

E L James, Party Games you__e looking kind of smug inserting that god damn anal plug giving me your kinky love after writing Fifty Shades you__e acting like some kind of renegade giving me your kinky love sit me on a dildo and spin me right around chain me up and hang me upside down giving me your kinky love god damn you E L James making me into some kind of party game giving me your kinky love put me in a dream and wheel in the Fucking Machine god damn you E L James spank a hand on my bum see how much I can cum god damn you E L James stand me up and sit me down lay me out and roll me about god damn you E L James BDSM electro impulses up my brainstem god damn you E L James cast me in a submissive role-play with my genitals on display god damn you E L James suspend me high in the air slap me around like I don__ care god damn you E L James take that whip off the shelf make me forget myself god damn you E L James Why are you wearing oven mittens? branding iron your name written inner goddess don__ keep in hidden god damn you E L James holy crap my mind has snapped to forget one thing that I have heard I__ never going to use the safe-word god damn you E L James By R.M.Romarney

The platinum Omega watch he gave me at breakfast on our first morning in London obscures the red line. The inscription still makes me swoon. AnastasiaYou are My MoreMy Love, My LifeChristian

I was Mrs. Taylor yesterday._ I grin at Taylor, who flushes.__hat has a nice ring to it, Miss Steele,_ Taylor says matter-of-factly.__ thought so, too.__hristian tightens his hold on my hand, scowling. __f you two have quite finished, I__ like a debrief._ He glares at Taylor, who now looks uncomfortable, and I cringe inwardly. I have overstepped the mark.__orry,_ I mouth at Taylor, who shrugs and smiles kindly before I turn to follow Christian.____l be with you shortly. I just want a word with Miss Steele,_ Christian says to Taylor, and I know I__ in trouble.Christian leads me into his bedroom and closes the door.__on__ flirt with the staff, Anastasia,_ he scolds.I open my mouth to defend myself__hen close it again, then open it. __ wasn__ flirting. I was being friendly__here is a difference.___on__ be friendly with the staff or flirt with them. I don__ like it.__h. Good-bye, carefree Christian. ____ sorry,_ I mutter and stare down at my fingers. He hasn__ made me feel like a child all day. Reaching down he cups my chin, pulling my head up to meet his eyes.__ou know how jealous I am,_ he whispers.__ou have no reason to be jealous, Christian. You own me body and soul.

Because I want to have sex with him--and because that's sinful--I'm blushing and flushing furiously under his scrutinizing scrutiny.

My inner goddess confirms that staring at a beautiful/rich/powerful face is the basis of True Love.

You wanted hearts and flowers. You have my heart - & here are the flowers.

Don't get your panties in such a twist... and give me back mine.