depair

All my joys resemble more a momentary intoxication than the real gold of happiness. It was all but an illusion.

And I know, knew for sure, with an absolute certainty, that this is rock bottom, this what the worst possible thing feels like. It is not some grand, wretched emotional breakdown. It is, in fact, so very mundane:_Rock Bottom is an inability to cope with the commonplace that is so extreme it makes even the grandest and loveliest things unbearable_Rock bottom is feeling that the only thing that matters in all of life is the one bad moment_Rock bottom is everything out of focus. It__ a failure of vision, a failure to see the world how it is, to see the good in what it is, and only to wonder why the hell things look the way they do and not__nd not some other way.