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Statistics say that a range of mental disorders affects more than one in four Americans in any given year. That means millions of Americans are totally batshit.but having perused the various tests available that they use to determine whether you're manic depressive. OCD, schizo-affective, schizophrenic, or whatever, I'm surprised the number is that low. So I have gone through a bunch of the available tests, and I've taken questions from each of them, and assembled my own psychological evaluation screening which I thought I'd share with you.So, here are some of the things that they ask to determine if you're mentally disordered1. In the last week, have you been feeling irritable?2. In the last week, have you gained a little weight?3. In the last week, have you felt like not talking to people?4. Do you no longer get as much pleasure doing certain things as you used to?5. In the last week, have you felt fatigued?6. Do you think about sex a lot?If you don't say yes to any of these questions either you're lying, or you don't speak English, or you're illiterate, in which case, I have the distinct impression that I may have lost you a few chapters ago.

CF
Carrie Fisher

Wishful Drinking

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I know, Little Man, you are quick with the diagnosis of craziness when you meet a truth you don__ like. And you feel yourself as the __omo normalis_. You have locked up crazy people, and the normal people manage this world. Who then is to blame for all the misery? Not you, of course, you only do your duty, and who are you to have an opinion of your own? I know, you don__ have to repeat it. It isn__ you that matters, Little Man. But when I think of your newborn children, of how you torture them in order to make them into __ormal_ human beings after your image.

WR
Wilhelm Reich

Listen, Little Man!

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Like a lot of people with mental illness, I spend a lot of time fronting. It__ really important to me to not appear crazy, to fit in, to seem normal, to do the things __ormal people_ do, to blend in. As a defense mechanism, fronting makes a lot of sense, and you hone that mechanism after years of being crazy. Fronting is what allows you to hold down a job and maintain relationships with people, it__ the thing that sometimes keeps you from falling apart. It__ the thing that allows you to have a burst of tears in the shower or behind the front seat of your car and then coolly collect yourself and stroll into a social engagement_We are rewarded for hiding ourselves. We become the poster children for __roductive_ mentally ill people, because we are so organized and together. The fact that we can function, at great cost to ourselves, is used to beat up the people who cannot function.Because unlike the people who cannot front, or who fronted too hard and fell off the cliff, we are able to __eep it together,_ whatever it takes.

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~~You are not alone~~ No, really. Literally. Maybe you have always known (or suspected) this. Maybe this news is shocking, baffling, dismaying, even unbelievable to you. Despite what you might believe or may have been told about yourself, you are not just 'moody'. Nor are you crazy or defective or possessed. You have what is commonly called 'multiple personalities'.

AT
A.T.W.

Got Parts?: An Insider's Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder