cassie-sullivan

They made a major mistake," he blurted out, "the dumb bastards, when they didn't start by killing you first.""Benjamin Thomas Parish, that was the sweetest and most bizarre compliment anyone's ever given me."I kissed him on the cheek. He kissed me on the mouth."You know," I whispered, "a year ago, I would have sold my soul for that."He shook his head. "Not worth it." And, for one-ten thousandth of a second, all of it fell away, the despair and grief and anger and pain and hunger, and the old Ben Parish rose from the dead. The eyes that impaled. The smile that slayed. In another moment, he would fade, slide back into the new Ben, the one called Zombie, and I understood something I hadn't before: He was dead, the object of my schoolgirl desires, just as the schoolgirl who desired him was dead.

This is what the Others have done to us. You can__ band together to fight without trust. And without trust, there was no hope. How do you rid the Earth of humans? Rid the humans of their humanity.

Do you believe in God, Evan?___ure I do.___ don__. I mean, I don__ know. I did before the Others came. Or thought I did, when I thought about it at all. And then they came and_ I have to stop for a second to collect myself. __aybe there__ a God. Sammy thinks there is. But he also thinks there__ a Santa Claus. Still, every night I said his prayer with him, and it didn__ have anything to do with me. It was about Sammy and what he believed, and if you could have seen him take that fake soldier__ hand and follow him onto that bus____ losing it, and it doesn__ matter to me much. Crying is always easier in the dark. Suddenly my cold hand is blanketed by Evan__ warmer one, and his palm is as soft and smooth as the pillowcase beneath my cheek.__t kills me,_ I sob. __he way he trusted. Like the way we trusted before they came and blew the whole goddamned world apart. Trusted that when it got dark there would be light. Trusted that when you wanted a fucking strawberry Frappuccino you could plop your ass in the car, drive down the street, and get yourself a fucking strawberry Frappuccino! Trusted_

His body is pressed against my back, his arm is wrapped protectively around my waist, his breath a delicious tickle against my neck. The room is very cold; it would be nice to climb under the covers, but I don__ want to move. I don__ want him to move. I run my fingers along his bare forearm, remembering the warmth of his lips, the silkiness of his hair between my fingers. The boy who never sleeps, sleeping. Coming to rest upon the Cassiopeian shore, an island in the middle of a sea of blood. You have your promise, and I have you.I can__ trust him. I have to trust him.I can__ stay with him. I can__ leave him behind.

That__ the cost. That__ the price. Get ready, because when you crush the humanity out of humans, you__e left with humans with no humanity.In other words, you get what you pay for, motherfucker.

Everything's going to be okay', because that's what I wanted him to say and it's what he wanted to say and that's what you do when the curtain is falling _ you give the line that the audience wants to hear.

How would you rather die?" she snapped. "Hiding under your bed or riding Thunder Mountain?

Zombie!_ Sammy calls. __ knew it was you.__ombie?__here are you taking him?_ Ben says to me in a deep voice. I don__ remember it being that deep. Is my memory bad or is he lowering it on purpose, to sound older?__ombie, that__ Cassie,_ Sam chides him. __ou know__assie.___assie?_ Like he__ never heard the name before.__ombie?_ I say, because I really haven__ heard that name before.I pull off the cap, thinking it might help him recognize me, then immediately regret it. I know what my hair must look like.__e go to the same high school,_ I say, drawing my fingers hastily through my chopped-off locks. __ sit in front of you in Honors Chemistry.__en shakes his head like he__ clearing out the cobwebs.Sammy goes, __ told you she was coming.___uiet, Sam,_ I scold him.__am?_ Ben asks.__y name is Nugget now, Cassie,_ Sam informs me.__ell, sure it is._ I turn to Ben. __ou know my brother.

You__e the mayfly,' he murmurs. And then Evan Walker kisses me. Holding my hand across his chest, his other hand sliding across my neck, his touch feathery soft, sending a shiver that travels down my spine into my legs, which are having a hard time keeping me upright. I can feel his heart slamming against my palm and I can smell his breath and feel the stubble on his upper lip, a sandpapery contrast to the softness of his lips, and Evan is looking at me and I__ looking back at him.

I, um, I thought you might want this back.__ pull out the battered old teddy bear and hold it toward him. He frowns and shakes his head and doesn__ reach for it, and I feel like he__ punched me in the gut.Then my baby brother slaps that damned bear out of my hand and crushes his face against my chest, and beneath the odors of sweat and strong soap I can smell it, his smell, Sammy__, my brother__.

If you leave without me, I__l just follow you. You can__ stop me, Cassie. How are you going to stop me?__ shrug helplessly, fighting back tears. __hoot you, I guess.___ike you shot the Crucifix Soldier?__he words hit me like a bullet between the shoulder blades. I whirl around and fling open the door. He flinches, but stands his ground.__ow do you know about him?_ Of course, there__ only one way he could know. __ou read my diary.___ didn__ think you were going to live.___orry to disappoint you.___ guess I wanted to know what happened____ou__e lucky I left the gun downstairs or I would shoot you right now. Do you know how creepy that makes me feel, knowing you read that? How much did you read?__e lowers his eyes. A warm red blush spreads across his cheeks.__ou read all of it, didn__ you?_ I__ totally embarrassed. I feel violated and ashamed. It__ ten times worse than when I first woke up in Val__ bed and realized he had seen me naked. That was just my body. This was my soul.I punch him in the stomach. There__ no give at all; it__ like I hit a slab of concrete.__ can__ believe you,_ I shout. __ou sat there__ust sat there__hile I lied about Ben Parish. You knew the truth and you just sat there and let me lie!

Cassie?__t__ Sammy, holding on to Ben, because he__ feeling the Ben thing a little more than he is the Cassie one at the moment. Who__ this guy falling from the ductwork, and what__ he doing with my sister?__his must be Sammy,_ Evan says.__his is Sammy,_ I say. __h! And this is____en Parish,_ Ben says.__en Parish?_ Evan looks at me. That Ben Parish?__en,_ I say, my face on fire. I want to laugh and crawl under the counter at the same time. __his is Evan Walker.___s he your boyfriend?_ Sammy asks.I don__ know what to say. Ben looks totally lost, Evan completely amused, and Sammy just damned curious. It__ my first truly awkward moment in the alien lair, and I__ been through my share of moments.__e__ a friend from high school,_ I mutter.And Evan corrects me, since it__ clear I__e lost my mind. __ctually, Sam, Ben is Cassie__ friend from high school.___he__ not my friend,_ Ben says. __ mean, I guess I kind of remember her_ Then Evan__ words sink in. __ow do you know who I am?___e doesn__!_ I fairly

I should have asked, I guess,_ he says. __ shouldn__ have assumed.___hat?__e rotates around on his butt to face me. Me on the sofa, him on the floor, looking up. __hat I was going with you.___hat? We weren__ even talking about that! And why would you want to go with me, Evan? Since you think he__ dead?___ just don__ want you to be dead, Cassie.

His other hand finds my cheek, and he wipes away my tears with his thumb. The chocolate scent overwhelms me as he bends over and whispers in my ear, __o, Cassie. No, no, no.__ throw my arm around his neck and press his dry cheek against my wet one. I__ shaking like an epileptic, and for the first time I can feel the weight of the quilts on the top of my toes because the blinding dark sharpens your other senses.I__ a bubbling stew of random thoughts and feelings. I__ worried my hair might smell. I want some chocolate. This guy holding me__ell, it__ more like I was holding him__as seen me in all my naked glory. What did he think about my body? What did I think about my body? Does God really care about promises? Do I really care about God? Are miracles something like the Red Sea parting or more like Evan Walker finding me locked in a block of ice in a wilderness of white?__assie, it__ going to be okay,_ he whispers into my ear, chocolate breath.

Life is full of little ironies, but it's also pockmarked with some the size of that big rock in Australia.

Aren__ you coming with us?__ feel his hand on my cheek. I know what this means and I slap his hand away.__ou__e coming with us, Evan,_ I say.__here__ something I have to do.___hat__ right._ My hand flails for his in the dark. I find it and pull hard. __ou have to come with us._____l find you, Cassie. Don__ I always find you? I____on__, Evan. You don__ know you__l be able to find me.___assie._ I don__ like the way he says my name. His voice is too soft, too sad, too much like a good-bye voice. __ was wrong when I said I was both and neither. I can__ be; I know that now. I have to choose.___ait a minute,_ Ben says. __assie, this guy is one of them?___t__ complicated,_ I answer. __e__l go over it later._ I grab Evan__ hand in both of mine and press it against my chest. __on__ leave me aga

He lays me on the bed. I say, right before he kisses me again, __f you kiss me again, I__ going to knee you in the balls.__is hands are incredibly soft, like a cloud touching me.__ won__ let you just_ He searches for the right word. __fly away from me, Cassie Sullivan.__e blows out the candle beside the bed.I feel his kiss more intensely now, in the darkness of the room where his sister died. In the quiet of the house where his family died. In the stillness of the world where the life we knew before the Arrival died. He tastes my tears before I can feel them. Where there would be tears, his kiss.__ didn__ save you,_ he whispers, lips tickling my eyelashes. __ou saved me.__e repeats it over and over, until we fall asleep pressed against each other, his voice in my ear, my tears in his mouth.__ou saved me.

Let__ establish a code for when you want to go all creeper on me. One knock means you__ like to come in. Two means you__e just stopping by to spy on me while I sleep._ His eyes travel from my face to my shirt (which happens to be his shirt) to my bare legs, lingering a breath too long before returning to my face. His gaze is warm. My legs are cold.Then he knocks once on the jamb. But it__ the smile that gets him in.