black-comedy

I was so drunk I couldn't tell a vagina from a bullet hole

There's no such thing as a limit on being the best. You can always go for more. That's what it means to be human. No... That's what it means to be me. - Claire Stanfield

Her occupation was the worst that anyone could think of. No guest in the park had to think of it because, unlike the wandering dwarf women, her job had no bearing on paper.

Social media is basically standing at a bucket filled with other people__ vomit and you suck the vomit through a straw, and gag and wince at the unbearable taste of other people__ vomit. Yet strangely we continue to suck through the straw as if we__e never tasted such lovely vomit. And then before you know it you__e old and you__e grey. And that__ the end of you. A lonely death. Your gravestone is marked with the six saddest words: Social Media Drained My Soul AwayAnd they all mourn your loss at a budget funeral service while updating their social media statuses on mobile phones apps. And in years to come nobody remembers any of your updates; even those updates that you deep-down believed were going to bring about world peace. The Digital Age is more disposable than nappies and just as full of shit.

...Mrs. Percy understood that staying beautiful all day long is the most important aspect of being married...