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I__ not sure what to say about struggle except that it feels like a long, dark tunnel with no light at the end. You never notice until it__ over the ways it has changed you, and there is no going back. We struggled a lot this year. For everyone who picked a fight with life and got the shit kicked out of them: I__ proud of you for surviving. This year I learned that cities are beautiful from rooftops even when you__e sad and that swimming in rivers while the sun sets in July will make you feel hopeful, no matter what__ going on at home. I found out my best friend is strong enough to swing me over his shoulder like I__ weightless and run down the street while I__ squealing and kicking against his chest. I found out vegan rice milk whipped cream is delicious, especially when it__ licked off the stomach of a boy you love. This year I kissed too many people with broken hearts and hands like mousetraps. If I could go back and unhurt them I would. If I could go back even farther and never meet them I would do that too. I turned 21. There__ no getting around it. I__ an adult now. Navigating the world has proved harder than I expected. There were times I was reckless. In my struggle to survive I hurt others. Apologies do not make good bandages. I__ not sure what to say about change except that it reminds me of the Bible story with the lions_ den. But you are not named Daniel and you have not been praying, so God lets the beasts get a few deep, painful swipes at you before the morning comes and you__e pulled into the light, exhausted and cut to shit. The good news is you survived. The bad news is you__e hurt and no one can heal you but yourself. You just have to find a stiff drink and a clean needle before you bleed out. And then you get up. And start over.