I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. And too much of a coward to live
The last time I saw you, you were wearing a white cotton shirt. You were standing upright with your wife on the lawn, in the sunlight, in front of the chateau, at my brother__ wedding. You shared in the enthusiasm of the ceremony. For my part, I felt distanced from it. I didn__ recognize my family in this mundane get-together. You didn__ seem put off by the bourgeois ceremony, or by my brother__ choice to have his love approved by third parties, even when these were distant third parties. You didn__ have the sad and absent look you normally took on at public gatherings. You smiled, watching the people, a little tipsy from the wine and the sun, chatting on the large lawn between the white stone façade and the two-hundred-year-old cedar tree. I often wondered, after your death, if that smile, the last one I saw from you, was mocking, or if instead it was the kindly smile of someone who knew that soon he would no longer partake in earthly pleasures. You didn__ regret leaving these behind, but neither were you averse to enjoying them a little longer.
Suicide
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The last time I saw you, you were wearing a white cotton shirt. You were standing upright with your wife on the lawn, in the sunlight, in front of the chateau, at my brother__ wedding. You shared in the enthusiasm of the ceremony. For my part, I felt distanced from it. I didn__ recognize my family in this mundane get-together. You didn__ seem put off by the bourgeois ceremony, or by my brother__ choice to have his love approved by third parties, even when these were distant third parties. You didn__ have the sad and absent look you normally took on at public gatherings. You smiled, watching the people, a little tipsy from the wine and the sun, chatting on the large lawn between the white stone façade and the two-hundred-year-old cedar tree. I often wondered, after your death, if that smile, the last one I saw from you, was mocking, or if instead it was the kindly smile of someone who knew that soon he would no longer partake in earthly pleasures. You didn__ regret leaving these behind, but neither were you averse to enjoying them a little longer.
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I realize how depraved it was to instill false guilt in an innocent child's conscience, causing a distorted image of life, God, & self, leaving little if any feeling of personal worth.
Oh no!_ replies Monsieur Tuvache indignantly. __e__e not murderers, you know. You have to understand that__ prohibited. We supply what is needed but people do the deed themselves. It__ their affair. We are just here to offer a service by selling quality products,_ continues the shopkeeper, leading the customer towards the checkout.
sometimes life isn__ worth the pain. i__ going for a swim. goodbye, my love.
The walls of the cell fell away, the sky came down, I saw the big yellow bird.