Susan C. Young

Since non-verbal signals have five times the impact of verbal signals, paying attention to the image you are projecting is crucial to your first impressions.

Mirroring is especially helpful when our differences may divide. Think of the times when you have made a diligent effort to speak in another person__ native language to communicate and connect with comfort. By doing this, you are extending a considerate courtesy to meet them where they are, thus removing barriers and improving engagement.

To touch or not to touch . . . that is the question. Handshakes, hugs, and other touching all have their appropriate space and place. The key to success in this area is to know when, where, and how to best put these into action.

Don't you love meeting an approachable person? They roll out the proverbial __elcome mat._ Their energy and engaging openness make us feel safe. They project the messages, __'m so glad to meet you. I like you. Tell me more about you. I'm so glad that you're here,_ without even saying a word.

Smiling is one of your most powerful non-verbal behaviors. People do read a book by its cover and these expressions provide glimpses into what they will find inside.

Since we know people like to do business with people who are most like themselves, consider this: Excellent sales people understand that "matching and mirroring" another person__ body language is a powerful technique and subliminal way to develop trust, build rapport, and make their clients more comfortable and engaging. Subtly mirroring the postures, gestures, and body language of your client inspires a kinship of commonality.

By mirroring, speaking, and moving in tandem with my clients, I provided them with a sense of familiar comfort and ease which helped us work well together. When they leaned forward, I would lean forward. When they crossed their arms, I would cross my arms. When they began speaking slowly and quietly, I would do the same. These subtle actions help to us to communicate more effectively.

When having lunch or dinner at a long rectangular table, I prefer to take a middle chair so that I can turn to my left or to my right to make meaningful conversation with the people in attendance. When I have been seated at the very end, it can prove to be difficult to speak, hear, and connect with everyone there. Think ahead, and whenever possible, put yourself in the middle of the action!

One simple glance can convey to your recipient that you are . . ._ Present_ Interested_ Paying attention_ Being respectful_ Listening_ Confident_ Engaged_ Caring_ Dedicated_ Appreciative_ Empathetic_ Focused_ Supportive_ Trustworthy_ Acknowledging_ ExcitedThis list barely scratches the surface; however, it opens the conversation about how vital your eye contact is for making positive first impressions.

As you navigate the various zones with people, a variety of specific physical and psychological responses is elicited from them. Until you know someone, avoid invading his or her personal space. Getting closer gradually demonstrates that you like the other person. This gradual and comfortable approach begins the circle of rapport__e sees that you like him, he likes that you like him, and he reciprocates by liking you back.

Your poise, postures, and gestures are the physical manifestations of your attitudes, perceptions, belief systems, self-esteem, feelings, and engagement. Be sure to know if they are working well or hindering the actualization of your potential. Being the architect for your habitual patterns of non-verbal language, you have the power to change any of it at any time.

Look at the single words below; wear these emotions on your face for just a moment. Try them on for size and note how they make you feel:Happiness. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Contempt. Surprise. Disgust.These are the basic human emotions which communicate with clear understanding across cultures, languages, and countries. In other words, a smile naturally conveys happiness and a frown naturally conveys sadness, no matter where you may be using your passport.

5 Tips for Mirroring Others1. Body language. When they smile, you smile. When they lean back in their chair, you lean back in your chair. When they cross their legs or fold their arms, you do the same.2. Vocabulary or specific words. Notice their language and the words they choose and use__heir keywords, expressions, expletives, or phrases. 3. Communication style. People receive, process, and deliver information in different ways. Notice whether someone is results driven or relaxed, emotional or pragmatic, talkative or observant. Recognizing their style will enable you to adapt your style to theirs to build rapport and improve communication.4. Vocal style. a. Speech rate__f they are talking fast, you talk fast. If they are talking slowly, you talk slowly. Consider rhythm, pace, and tempo. b. Volume__f they are speaking quietly and softly, match their volume. c. Tone__irror their emotion, tone, and pitch. You can even seek to mirror their grammar and dialect, as long as it is discreet and respectful.

Early in my sales career, various sales trainers taught our teams how to use matching and mirroring to build rapport and earn trust with our clients. When done well, it would inevitably help us improve customer service and closing ratios. It was not encouraged as a deceptive sales practice to manipulate, but rather a subtle way to make a great first impression and connect on a meaningful level.

Have you decided to simply smile and nod to avoid a confrontation with someone who was being a jerk? Have you ever feigned agreement with your face to get along with others, even when you disagreed with their position? We all have. Your expressions of emotion can protect you at times in awkward situations, and when used with integrity. Test the waters by responding with an expression of curiosity or bewilderment when someone is acting inappropriately.

When you make eye contact with another person, you can send thousands of silent messages without even speaking a word. No wonder eye contact can be both a direct form of communication and an elusive attribute at the same time.

Your handshake has the power to reveal your strength of character, make a promise, demonstrate your level of respect, exercise your etiquette, and represent your business acumen. Learning how to do it well will take you far in life and in business.

The next time you have a high-stakes meeting, a presentation, or an important social engagement, practice power posing beforehand to potently and powerfully impact your confidence.