Pat Paulsen

I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man.

The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and, of course, the boogieman.

In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.