Joe E. Lewis

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I play in the low eighties. If it's any hotter than that I won't play.

It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor as long as you've got money.

You only live once - but if you work it right once is enough.

I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.