Jim Butcher

Black Court vampires. I just shortened it some."Ebenezar tsked. "Blampires. That's the problem with you young people. Shortening all the words.

Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.

A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two_ succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course.

Heroism doesn't pay very well. I try to be cold-blooded and money-oriented, but I keep screwing it up.

I realized then what had happened.She had turned us--all of us, except for Mouse--into great, gaunt, long-legged hounds.Wonderful!" Lea said, pirouetting upon one toe, laughing. "Come, children!" And she leapt off into the jungle, nimble and swift as a doe.A bunch of us dogs stood around for a moment, just sort of staring at one another..

Da. This is going very well already."Thomas barked out a laugh. "There are seven of us against the Red King and his thirteen most powerful nobles, and it's going well?"Mouse sneezed."Eight," Thomas corrected himself. He rolled his eyes and said, "And the psycho death faerie makes it nine.""It is like movie," Sanya said, nodding. "Dibs on Legolas.""Are you kidding?" Thomas said. "I'm obviously Legolas. You're . . ." He squinted thoughtfully at Sanya and then at Martin. "Well. He's Boromir and you're clearly Aragorn.""Martin is so dour, he is more like Gimli." Sanya pointed at Susan. "Her sword is much more like Aragorn's.""Aragorn wishes he looked that good," countered Thomas."What about Karrin?" Sanya asked."What--for Gimli?" Thomas mused. "She is fairly--""Finish that sentence, Raith, and we throw down," said Murphy in a calm, level voice."Tough," Thomas said, his expression aggrieved. "I was going to say 'tough.' "As the discussion went on--with Molly's sponsorship, Mouse was lobbying to claim Gimli on the basis of being the shortest, the stoutest, and the hairiest--"Sanya," I said. "Who did I get cast as?""Sam," Sanya said.I blinked at him. "Not . . . Oh, for crying out loud, it was perfectly obvious who I should have been."Sanya shrugged. "It was no contest. They gave Gandalf to your godmother. You got Sam.

Gruff,_ I said, __ find myself largely clueless about why mortal women do what they do. It will take a wiser man than me to understand what__ in a fae woman__ mind.

Do you have a little white dress? I've had this deep-seated nurse fantasy about you, Murphy.

I was seducing shepherdesses when you weren't a twinkle in your great-grandcestor's eyes. I think I know what I'm doing.

Sometimes I forget how much I like riding the bike." Most chicks do," I said. "Roar of the engine and so on."Murphy's blue eyes glittered with annoyance and anticipation. "Pig. You really enjoy dropping all women together in the same demographic, don't you?" It's not my fault all women like motorcycles, Murph. They're basically huge vibrators. With wheels.

- Did you really save the world ?...- Mostly I was saving my own ass. Just happend that the world was in the same spot.

Beside me, Molly rolled her shoulders in a few jerky motions and pushed at her hair in fitful little gestures. She tugged at her well-tattered skirts, and grimaced at her boots. "Can you see if there__ any mud on them?" I paused to consider her for a second. Then I said, "You have two tattoos showing right now, and you probably used a fake ID to get them. Your piercings would set off any metal detector worth the name, and you__e featuring them in parts of your anatomy your parents wish you didn__ yet realize you had. You__e dressed like Frankenhooker, and your hair has been dyed colors I previously thought existed only in cotton candy._ I turned to face the door again. __ wouldn__ waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots.

I love being a wizard. Every day is like Disneyland.

You're such a cynic," Molly said."I think cynics are playful and cute.

I'm so pretty, it's hard for me to think of myself as intelligent.

Hell's bells, irony blows.

I'm amazing and studly, but I have limits.

Put some clothes on, you weird, yellow-eyed, table-dancing, werewolf-training, cryptic, stare-me-right-in-the-eyes-and-don't-even-blink wench.