J. Tonzelli

How about this?_ she retorted, her voice deceptively flirtatious, and in that small, stolen moment in his mind, he quickly spun and grasped her by the small of her back, pulled her close into to him, and made her his. And maybe she resisted at first before giving in, or maybe she didn____aybe she__ wanted this just as long as he had. But none of that would matter, because they would finally be together, starting at that moment and for the rest of their lives. And they would love each other and raise children and make music, and life would suddenly be worth living, and Christ, how could anyone ever throw something like that away?

I hate this night. I hate that it makes me a person so truly removed from the real me; this man who sits in silence in his parlor _ purposely quarantined from his family _ is not who I want to be. But on Halloween night, this awful impostor wafts over me like morning fog, and I know there__ no resisting him. Like one anticipates the common cold brought on by a harsh winter, I know this broken and terrified man will soon be visiting when the evening of October 31st falls upon us. And on this yearly autumn night, he will sit and drink. And remember.

He walked steadily, feeling them behind him. His stride did not falter; he pretended they weren__ there. He pretended that all was well__hat those hideous things knew nothing about what he had done earlier in the night. But each pumpkin he passed nearly leapt off its porch or railing or wooden chair, expanded and morphed and throbbed as if in a funhouse mirror, and joined the procession behind him. The wind picked up, suddenly and fiercely, and construction paper decorations adorning the houses that surrounded him flapped helplessly against their doors and windows. The man ducked against the cold wind, and from the pursuing army of the jack-o_-lanterns behind him. Cardboard skeletons with fastener joints and witches with shredded yarn hair and ghosts with cotton ball sheets and black crayon eyes escaped their thumbtacks and scotch tape and newspaper twine and they flashed and danced in his face. He brushed at them desperately with his hands, attempting to tear a hole through them and escape.

The last clear thought I have is of my grandmother__ rust-colored wall clock ticking away in the darkness of my apartment__y sanctuary where I dreamed and desired and hoped for goodness and love. I wonder how long that clock will tick without anyone around to hear it. I wonder if maybe I should have taken my grandmother__ silverware or jewelry instead. I wonder _ if I knew then what I know now _ if I still would have approached Jade that first night and invited her into my life, only to watch as she took it from me and fed it to some Godless thing, as my mother had called it. Would I still have given myself over to her, knowing it would end the same way, with the barbaric flicker of hope that this time she could love me?

I__ an old man, now. I__e been alone since my 17th birthday. I__ wanted to marry, have a bunch of kids, and maybe be a grandpa. The big family around the Thanksgiving table, laughing and pouring wine and cracking jokes and harmlessly teasing the missus__ wanted that. I wanted to do something good with my life__omething right. I didn__ want what happened to Danny, my best childhood friend, to be the only mark I__ ever make in this world. But I thought it best not to fancy such hopes and dreams: a family, love. I__ been cursed by my best friend, and I thought it right not to inflict that curse on anyone who__ be foolish enough to love me.

As the thing came closer, what was left of Nick__ body became revealed and I could see how the dead boy__ eyes had bled from the trauma inflicted upon him; they dripped with steady succession onto the floor between his splayed legs. He looked like a rejected marionette tossed haphazardly in the corner by a frustrated puppeteer, his head drooping so low that his chin rested against his chest. His motionless arms lay at his sides, both of them squeezed into tight fists, as if he__ died futilely trying to defend himself.