Fran Lebowitz

You're only as good as your last haircut.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

Polite conversation is rarely either.

There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

Success didn't spoil me I've always been insufferable.

The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

There is no such thing as inner peace there is only nervousness and death.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write.

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.