Evan Esar

Many a man who falls in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

Housework is what woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper or his keeper's brother.

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

Zoo: An excellent lace to study the habits of human beings