Elona Washington

All too often, we make decisions from a place of pain, insecurity or fear and we let those negative thoughts guide our behavior, ruin opportunities and be the reason we choose poor friends and abusive partners.

I also learned what I and many other wives were doing wrong. We were neglecting ourselves. We were born women yet were taking care of our roles as mom, employee or wife before we took care of ourselves. But in order to adequately fulfill those roles, we have to put ourselves first.

What most couples fail to realize is that marriage vows denote change.

Every major life decision I made came from my pain, guilt and shame...even down to the man I chose for a husband.

Those years of anger weren__ just directed inward and towards others, I was also angry with God. As a kid, when I sang songs in the children__ choir and memorized verses in bible study, I was told there was a God who loved and protected us. He was a jealous God and could be angered, yes, but He always showed grace and mercy towards His people. I must not have been one of His people. He never protected me. As a matter of fact, I remember crying and pleading to God to make it stop when I was in DC being raped at five years old. I thought he heard my prayers when I moved to New Jersey. But when the abuse became worse and more frequent, it was easy for me to conclude God__ protection didn__ apply to me.

Even with my bachelor__ degree, I still felt more comfortable at the strip club than anywhere else. And that feeling hit me the very first time I walked through those doors. While I initially starting dancing to avoid eviction, I stayed because I felt more at home in the strip club than I did in college, at church and at my parent__. Not only was I accustomed to feeling degraded, I believed I didn__ deserve any better or that any man would treat me better than the men at the club.

Sexual power encompasses the power of seduction and the power of pursuit.