Dora J. Arod

My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.

I__ a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up.

My love is pizza shaped. Won__ you have a slice? It__ circular, so there__ enough to go around._

This book (Jarod Kintz's book) is trash. I mean, I assume it is, because that's where I found it while scrounging for lunch. However, I must admit that I haven't read it. I would have, but I am homeless, mainly due to my illiteracy (though Big Government, Keynesian monetary policy, and my struggle with alcoholism certainly played a large role).

I had a dream about you. We were in a canoe, and we were paddling across the desert. You said you were thirsty, and I pointed to the sand that surrounded us and said, __o, I will not urinate in your mouth._ At that point I woke up, because I realized I really had to pee__nd get a drink of water._

I had a dream about you. You were you, but you were many__ multitude of mannequins, each named Manny. And I was me, but I was Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and as such I made love to you__ll of you. Then I woke up alone, naked, cuddling a mannequin I named after you who smells like you, because I spray it with the same fragrance you used to wear. Is that crazy? No, I didn__ think so either. _

I had a dream about you. You had no skin or muscle on your face, and to try to conceal your bare skull you liberally applied lipstick and makeup. Your birthday was coming up, and I knew you were probably sensitive about parties that emphasize the aging process, so I decided to box up your gift in a coffin and wrap it with black wrapping paper. I got you the best gift ever too__ hooker, who happened to be dead, because that enabled me to procure a sizeable discount._

I had a dream about you. We were ice fishing in my freezer. I caught a few cold beers, and you wondered if we should drink them, or throw them back because they were babies._

I had a dream about you. You were wearing Sylvester Stallone's sneer as pants, but his lips were saggy on your legs, so you had to wear a mustache as a belt._

I had a dream about you. You were crying, and I couldn__ tell if it was because you were sad or because you__ been laughing too hard. So I decided to find out by telling you that I__ just heard from the cops, and your mother had been murdered. Before I got to the punch line you started sobbing in a different manner, so I realized you__ been laughing earlier. By that time the mood had changed, and I decided it best not to deliver the punch line after all. So I sat down next to you and put my arm around you and tried to console you for your perceived loss. _

I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn__ figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren__ so different after all.

This book is full of empty love quotes. If you are looking for the meaning of life and love, then this book is for you. You won__ find the answers here, of course, but you__l be more encouraged than ever to keep on looking. Or maybe you__l be discouraged. Either way, I__l have your money, and you__l have no answers. Sounds like a fair deal to me. _