Caitlin Moran

Every woman who chooses--joyfully, thoughtfully, calmly, of her own free will and desire--not to have a child does womankind a massive favor in the long term. We need more women who are allowed to prove their worth as people, rather than being assessed merely for their potential to create new people. After all, half of those new people we go on to create are also women--presumably themselves to be judged, in their futures, for not making new people. And so it will go on, and on...While motherhood is an incredible vocation, it has no more inherent worth than a childless woman simply being who she is, to the utmost of her capabilities. To think otherwise betrays a belief that being a thinking, creative, productive, and fulfilled woman is, somehow, not enough. That no action will ever be the equal of giving birth.

My fat years were when I was not human shaped. I was a 16-stone triangle, with inverted triangle legs, and no real neck. And that__ because I wasn__ doing human things. I didn__ walk or run or dance or swim or climb up stairs; the food I ate wasn__ the stuff that humans are supposed to eat. No one is supposed to eat a pound of boiled potatoes covered in Vitalite, or a fist-sized lump of cheese on the end of a fork, wielded like a lollipop. I had no connection to or understanding of my body. I was just a brain in a jar. I wasn__ a woman.

There. There you are. You have dropped a marker pin on your body, to reclaim yourself, to remind you where you are: inside yourself. Somewhere. Somewhere in there.

In a world where you can get a spare kidney, a black-market Picasso or a ticket to ride into space, why can__ I see some actual sex? Some actual fucking from people who want to fuck each other? Some chick in an outfit I halfway respect, having the time of her life? I have MONEY. I__ willing to PAY for this. I AM NOW A 35-YEAR-OLD WOMAN, AND I JUST WANT A MULTI-BILLION-DOLLAR INTERNATIONAL PORN INDUSTRY WHERE I CAN SEE A WOMAN COME. I just want to see a good time.

Because there__ a silent, shrugging, stoical acceptance of all the things in the world we can never be part of: shorts, swimming pools, strappy dresses, country walks, roller-skating, ra-ra skirts, vest tops, high heels, rope climbing, sitting on a high stool, walking past building sites, flirting, being kissed, feeling confident. And ever losing weight, ever. The idea of suggesting we don__ have to be fat __hat things could change __s the most distant and alien prospect of all. We__e fat now and we__l be fat forever and we must never, ever mention it, and that is the end of it. It__ like Harry Potter__ Sorting Hat. We were pulled from the hat marked __at_ and that is what we must now remain, until we die. Fat is our race. Our species. Our mode. As a result, there is very little of the outside world __nd very little of the year __e can enjoy. Summer is sweaty under self-conscious layers. On stormy days, wind flattens skirts against thighs, and alarms both us and, we think, onlookers and passers-by. Winter is the only time we feel truly comfortable: covered head to toe in jumpers, coats, boots and hat. I develop a crush on Father Christmas. If I married him, not only would I be expected to stay fat, but I__ look thin standing next to him, in comparison. Perspective would be my friend. We all dream of moving to Norway, or Alaska, where we could wear massive padded coats all the time, and never reveal an inch of flesh. When it rains, we__e happiest of all. Then we can just stay in, away from everyone, in our pyjamas, and not worry about anything. The brains in jars can stay inside, nice and dry.

We're supposed to speak from the heart in what we wear. We have to find capsule wardrobes.

The actual handbag is neither here nor there-- it's what you keep in it that's the most important thing.

Women's bodies do not give up their babies so easily, and so silently, is the message. The heart will always remember.

The reason they don't ask me when they're having kids, of course, is because men can, pretty much, carry on a normal life once they've had a baby.

First world babies are eating this planet like termites.

There's no self-expression or joy in these joints-- no springboard to self-discovery, or adventure, like any decent night out involving men, women, alcohol, and taking your clothes off. Why do many people have a gut reaction to strip clubs? Because inside them, no one is having fun.

Between 60 and 80 percent of strippers come from a background of sexual abuse.

If you take a moment to consider the state of the world, the thing you notice is that there are plenty of babies being born; the planet doesn't really need all of us to produce more babies.

Life is really the only place you can learn the most important lessons about how to get dressed and to be happy.

David Cameron is a C-3P0 made of ham.

Personally, I feel the time has come for women to introduce their own Zero Tolerance policy on the Broken Window issues in our lives - I want a Zero Tolerance policy on "All the Patriarchal Bullshit.

When a woman walks into a room, her outfit is the first thing she says, before she even opens her mouth. Women are judged on what they wear in a way men would find incomprehensible.

It__ amazing to me that it__ still considered a notable, commendable trait ___h, she__ a well-known feminist_ __n a woman, or a girl, or a man, or a boy. That that is the unusual thing. Really, it should be the reverse. Rather than what seems like a minority having to spend time, energy, brain and heart explaining why they__e __nto_ equality, the majority should be explaining why they__e not. You put the time into explaining why __n a world where every concept of justice, wisdom, progress and rightness is a human invention __e still prefer the human concept of __ome people being inferior to others_ over __his is a vast, inky, cold, empty universe, and in it, we are the only humans that exist, all sharing a tiny milky green/ blue world, and faced with a multitude of problems, and an infinite capacity for joy, and should therefore try and stick together and accord each other some respect_.