Brian Spellman

Peace ain't worth fighting for.

Okay, you won our shitty little argument. Pass the world.

The first casualty of war is casual wear.

A broken shoelace can strangle me.

Dreams don't come true, they are true.

If life was fair ... one third of the people would comprise of judges and lawyers ... one third of police and prison officials ... and one third of legislators ... and one third more to make the other three thirds make any sense at all .... Thank goodness for no fair.

My life is so bad that it's worse than it really is.

I can't prove it yet know it when I seem it.

I'm all groan up in America.

I love objectivity when mine.

It's not how I take tragic news but how I make tragic views that unscrews me.

I overreacted to praise, signing an autograph. I'd write a check to buy it back.

An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.

Our atheist thoughts go out to his family following their loss.

Dad got furious when we lied to him. No, Dad got furious then we lied to him.

When to others it's not lying. It's privacy.

The brain is unreliable. It relies on lies.

I forgot what I was going to think.