BinYamin Gulzar

I am so lost in the lost road , I chose this on my own ,I emptied all that I had ,All that I have left within ,is emptiness - a void that refuses to fill.How can I be alone in a room ,filled with a million souls ? How can I stay hungry after feeding hundreds of homes ? How ? Is this the pain of letting go and raising towards transcendence - Where I leave all my worldly pleasures and seek union with the One ?-Or is it a bout of lucidity , that I am all by myself , carrying on ,paying for the sins of others and living "BUT" for myself....-an everyday stagmata where the pain is so numb, that the the body ceases to exist ?

He was exhausted ,tired to his core ,The 'weight' of the world was crushing his soul!He carried so much ,Within him , for so so long ."Beast of burden" - that's what he was!His rugged face filled with battle scars_That only 'he' could feelThe "smile" he wore was a 'helmet' ...Waiting for his breath to escape for good_Praying for his final relief.

Sitting alone in the alley of dark submissive loneliness.Retrospecting on the things that were left unsaid , only if they weren't ! The monsters within my head grow stronger everyday ,Fighting them everyday , I wonder , does it make me an unsung hero , no one knows about ! ? May be I will die like a unknown martyer within my own hallucinations Or may be perhaps I may be a sacrificial lamb .Happiness is but a dream I cherish most , I need peace , I have none .Set me free , I have been broken I want to breath ., my last ! I want to be free at last !

I thought that you could hear all my unspoken words.....for I misunderstood the language of my own love was so intense and your ears were so brittle!

...and it's that time of the day when the fatigue sets in. No, not the physical type of fatigue that goes with a stretching of limbs or a session in my sauna ~which in fact is sparkling signifying it's existence for sheer aesthetics rather that practical use!It was that mental fatigue , when my soul was exhausted and weary; that I needed a shot of Gatorade;just to calm my nerves,stopping me from hallucinationsand let me fall asleep!

The cruel truth exposes the ugly side of us so deeply that we find solace in the last defence hiding behind the facade of our insanity.

...and it's that time of the day when the fatigue sets in. No, not the physical type of fatigue that goes with a stretching of limbs or a session in my sauna;which in fact is sparkling signifying it's existence for sheer aesthetics rather that practical use!It was that mental fatigue , when my soul was exhausted and weary; that I needed a shot of Gatorade;just to calm my nerves,stopping me from hallucinationsand let me fall asleep!

Am I brave enough? What is brave? Is bravery counted by the medals, proudly on display on a soldier__ uniform or is it in laying down your life for something bigger than yourself. Is bravery in holding tight or letting go? For some, bravery is in standing against the world for your Principle _. For me bravery is living each day of my life for the sake of something greater than myself.

He murmured , "Hope" is a dangerous thing,Its makes you see things that aren't there. The " pain" makes you hallucinate ,It's like dragging your torn and tired soul through the haunted woods,_ And the light that you see at the end must be my calling! And she said , 'You are broken ...All beautiful things are broken !'A broken soul allows the "light to scatter like a Diamond

The self centred disregard for anything living outside of me , is pure solipsism. One may feel the world is pure evil but its " I _" who filters the thought through "my "own un - coping mind, seeking complete annihilation of the world for my own self relief ! _

In the stillness of my mind , I surrender to a place I call "my own"....Where everything that I see ,is real ,and every thing that I don't ,doesn't exist!Yet , in that very stillness I find my mind drifting in search of solace and when I open my eyes ,I find myself in the Elysian Fields of my existence !