Bill Watterson

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.

The world isn't fair, Calvin.""I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.

That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.

How come we play war and not peace?""Too few role models.

Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?

Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.

We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I__l drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze __m?

As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.

I liked things better when I didn't understand them.

Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.