satirists

Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.

Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong men; a child, old men; an ignorant man, knowledgeable men; and for a dwarf to control giants.

It goes without saying that even those of us who are going to hell will get eternal life__f that territory really exists outside religious books and the minds of believers, that is. Having said that, given the choice, instead of being grilled until hell freezes over, the average sane human being would, needless to say, rather spend forever idling in an extremely fertile garden, next to a lamb or a chicken or a parrot, which they do not secretly want to eat, and a lion or a tiger or a crocodile, which does not secretly want to eat them.

To some believers, being on the pill or using a condom is a nonverbal way of telling God to go to hell.

In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone to whom they are a boss.

Boredom is probably more frequent and more tormenting if you do not have sight or hands.

If we were not impressed by job titles, suits, and jargon, we would demand that financial advisors show us their personal bank statements before they tell us what we could or should do with our own money.

A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one from the innumerable instances where one would have experienced pain.

Some people avoid thinking deeply in public, only because they are afraid of coming across as suicidal.

Some people hate people who are overconfident, only because their overconfidence reminds them of their underconfidence.

Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.

Millions of sane people would each be sexually attracted to their own parent or child if they were not related to them.

As an unavoidable result of the inevitable loss of some physical and/or some mental abilities, many a man who has been alive for many years has become a boy again.

Loneliness tortures many if not most of the elderly more intensely and more frequently than it torments many if not most of us who will never be or have not yet been pushed or pulled into old age.

When selecting a one-night stand, a heterosexual woman who is materialistic is a trillion times more likely to choose a sexually unattractive poor man who seems rich over a sexually attractive rich man who seems poor.

Many millions of pregnancies__any if not most of which have each led to the birth of at least one child__ere each used as nothing but a conspicuous means to a secret end called the evasion of abortion.

We, in the interest of the so-called progress, have been persuaded to leave the production and at times the cooking of our food to companies whose owners and employees make a living by exploiting our busyness or laziness and our innate hunger to continue living.

Millions of business people are each constantly forced to choose between their desire to not be a bad person and their desire to be a good business person, that is to say, to make as much money as they possibly can by maximizing their revenue while minimizing the cost of producing whatever it is that they sell.