mothers

I've played a lot of mothers in my movies.

Mothers tend to be more direct. Fathers talk to other fathers about their kids more metaphorically. It's a different way of communication.

We criticize mothers for closeness. We criticize fathers for distance. How many of us have expected less from our fathers and appreciated what they gave us more? How many of us always let them off the hook?

Well, Betsy," he said, "your mother tells me that you are going to use Uncle Keith's trunk for a desk. That's fine. You need a desk. I've often noticed how much you like to write. The way you eat up those advertising tablets from the store! I never saw anything like it. I can't understand it though. I never write anything but checks myself. ""Bob!" said Mrs. Ray. "You wrote the most wonderful letters to me before we were married. I still have them, a big bundle of them. Every time I clean house I read them over and cry.""Cry, eh?" said Mr. Ray, grinning. "In spite of what your mother says, Betsy, if you have any talent for writing, it comes from family. Her brother Keith was mighty talented, and maybe you are too. Maybe you're going to be a writer."Betsy was silent, agreeably abashed."But if you're going to be a writer," he went on, "you've got to read. Good books. Great books. The classics.

My mother phones daily to ask "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no she adds "So if you're not too busy call me while I'm still alive " . . . and hangs up.

Definition of Father's Day: Same as Mother's Day but you don't spend as much.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children now I have six children and no theories.

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother.

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.

Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

No matter how old a mother is she still watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

Every small boy wonders why his father didn't go into the ice cream business.

MOTHER TO TEENAGER ON SUNDAY MORNING: I believe I heard the clock strike one when you came in last night. teen: Well I know how much you need your sleep so it was going to strike ten but I stopped it at one chime.

My folks refused to have more than four children after reading that every fifth child born in the world is Chinese.

Dad named his first ulcer after me.

There are three books my daughter felt were the most important influences in her life: the Bible her mother's cookbook and her father's checkbook.