lost

I could have loved him with everything I had but he wasn't prepared for the depth i provided ~ had I been a woman of weakness I would have stayed, but he lost the chance when he said I wasn't enough that day.

September 11_ I will never forget feeling scared and vulnerable_ I will never forget feeling the deep sad loss of so many lives_ I will never forget the smell of the smoke that reached across the water and delivered a deep feeling of doom into my gut_ I will never forget feeling the boosted sense of unity and pride_ I will never forget seeing the courageous actions of so many men and women_ I will never forget seeing people of all backgrounds working together in community_ I will never forget seeing what hate can destroy_ I will never forget seeing what love can heal_

It always came down to his freaking pride.

I see more light than dark, but when I encounter dark I seem to get lost in it.

I danced as he twirled in and out of consciousness, and there we were, one in love and the other astray.

He said he was going to fix everything and I believed him. But I believed him before and again some. And I guess I got lost in the resentment of disbelief.

Sometimes others narcissism will take place of your happiness. Don__ let it happen.

The truth is: I was lost in him. I had gone from losing one of the most important people in my life and then losing someone I loved a month later. I wrapped myself in people, in lust, in the idea of love. I met him and I met a gentlemen, and when I found out who he truly was, I was still in love with the gentleman and justified all of his actions.

In searching for myself, I have created myself.

Ran out of things to say, metaphors for you. Why the ocean__ clear instead of blue, why mountains in the distance had reminded me of you.

So every time I lose one of my shoes and my brother looks at me angrily thinking I__ trying to catch a prince with a lost shoe, or mistakenly cuts myself and the whole world around me thinks I__ trying to attract a vampire, I just laugh sounding like a complete stranger to them. And to everyone like them. I know I don__ need to be a Cinderella. Or an Isabella. I already own things, all things, every single thing, which I love and proudly dream to own. They're just not here_not in this world. And that definitely doesn__ mean, I lost them.

She was always looking for guarantees in a world of none.

I was running and deliberately lost my way. The world far off and nothing but my breath and the very next step and it__ like hypnosis. The feeling of conquering my own aliveness with no task but to keep going, making every way the right away and that__ a metaphor for everything.

One walks along a street and strays unknowingly from one's path; one then looks up and suddenly for those familiar landmarks of orientation, and, seeing none, one feels lost. Panic drapes the look of the world in a strangeness, and the more one stares blankly at the world, the stranger it looks, the more hideously frightening it seems. There is then born in one a wild, hot wish to project out upon the alien world the world that one is seeking. This wish is a hunger for power, to be in command of one's self.

If you have nothing to write your power of imagination is lost.

I should feel energized and powerful, invulnerable and potent, but all I feel is lost.

It is the feeling of never knowing what we want that truly drives us all mad.... Holding things because we think in a moment we love them only to uncurl our fingers later and softly give them back to the earth.

In the stillness I find my heart growing hot while I seek the person I have already found. God is so much more than I know.