laura-anderson-kurk

On the best nights, he__ appear outside the bookstore window and wait for me to unlock the door. He usually hadn__ had time to shower between doing things with cattle and horses and coming to find me, and he looked older than us and stronger than us.

Next to the first Henry and Meg, Henry had written, __romise?_ Well, that genie__ out of the bottle and there__ no stuffing her back in.

His room was dark until he switched on his desk lamp. I sat on the floor next to his bed and watched him counting clothes and considering shoes. He seemed so boyish right then__ike he wished his mom would just come in and pack for him. I couldn__ possibly love him any more than I did at that moment.

Henry drew a shaky breath. __o me a favor, Meg.___nything,_ I whispered.__on__ fall for Quinn O__eill. If you__e going to do this thing with him_go to this dance, don__ fall for him.___ever,_ I said. __ promise.___ecause I__ all filled up on sad right now._ He sniffed again and I could tell he was more in control. __nd you can__ ask me to sit by and watch you get all caught up in this guy. I can__ handle that__hinking he swept you off your feet because he bathed in body spray and dressed up._ His voice sounded rough. __ know you think I__ being funny right now, but I__ completely serious. Don__ make me watch that happen.___ou know my heart,_ I said. __t__ yours.

And what do you want?__ almost choked. __ow could you even ask me that, Henry?__e sighed. __ecause I__ thousands of miles away. Because I Skyped into your living room late one night and there__ a dude sitting next to you in the dark. Because Thanet tells me things. And Tennyson sent me a picture of you in a dress that looks like lingerie.___t__ not that bad,_ I said.__ didn__ say it was bad, Meg. It__ about a million miles from bad._ His voice was breaking with exasperation. __hings are crazy here, and I__ questioning everything.

I smiled at him. Not even Wyatt would have known how to be this honorable when talking about a girl that had hurt him.

Then let me be your mercy,_ he said. ____l never be able to give you smart answers about why we suffer, but I can come into your world and try to be some kind of help to you.

In my mind, I saw a string stretching from Henry__ heart at Quiet Waters to my heart. It was taut and it vibrated with Henry__ worries and fears and I felt them all.Deeply. I felt them all.

I pretended to be a Cheyenne guide. I pretended to be a prairie woman. I pretended Henry was my old-timey husband taking me to our new homestead. I leaned down and patted Trouble__ neck. __ood boy,_ I said. __rusty steed.

Hmmm. What you__e saying is that you__e never been kissed?_ He picked at a string on the blanket under us.

I found I could only glance at him for tiny moments and then I had to look away. He was perfect enough to hurt my feelings for a long time, and I wanted to let him.

I finally understood why so much monkey business happened in the backs of buses. Put us in close proximity, with wheels spinning under us, and nothing to do but wait, we__e going to start thinking of lovely uses for our bodies. I don__ care who you are.

Here__ what I learned about life when we were going through that. We__e all human and mortal. We__e all going to suffer and die. But it__ how we are with each other during those times that proves God__ here with us._ He turned his hand over in mine and entwined our fingers. __e comes in through people. People who love us anyway. They jump right into the chaos with us and try to help us make sense of it. That__ what mercy is_it__ choosing to help, or forgive, or love even when it goes against all logic.

He ran his hand from my wrist up to the crook of my elbow and then to my shoulder. __hen I was a little kid, my dad would come to my room at night to say a prayer with me. He used to say, __ord, We know there__ a little girl out there who__ meant for Henry. Please protect her and raise her up right.__ His voice changed to something slower and more country when he mimicked his dad. He smiled at the memory, and then he put his mouth near my ear and whispered. __ou were that little girl.

All of the emotions that hit people at times like these, all of them, were coursing through us both like a secret we couldn__ tell. Because if we said everything we were thinking and feeling right then_if we laid it all out for one another_we might not like the way the words strung together. Or the way fear and hope and bitterness and love mashed up into one big mess in the pits of our stomachs.

She didn__ see me because of the reflection on the store windows, and she wouldn__ know me in this car anyway. In fact, she probably wouldn__ know me with shaggy hair and the beginnings of a beard. So I sat for a minute, watching her dusting bookshelves, either talking to herself or singing. Her feather duster had become a prop in whatever scene she had going. She looked heart-stoppingly, breathtakingly beautiful, my Meg.

I didn__ look at Thanet. I couldn__ because he would see the hurt on my face.__e loves you,_ Thanet said. __e__ hurting and it__ not just the Quinn thing. It__ being away from you and wondering if you__e hurting, too. Or if you__e having too much fun to hurt. What he really needed was to laugh, though. So we laughed_until he cried.__hat undid me. I looked at Thanet with so many questions on my lips.

You look incredible, Kavanagh,_ Quinn whispered close to my ear. __re you trying to kill me?___sshhh,_ I hissed. __hey__e going to hear you.___ can__ tell my date she__ beautiful?__ turned my head. __o. No, you can__.