identity-alteration

Weird? Absurd? That__ how it seemed to me. I had these forces, these compunctions, these alternative personalities inside me, driving me. It was like being a jack-in-the-box and I was unsure which personality was going to jump out next: Billy, who thought of himself as a cowboy or a terrorist; Kato the cutter; anorexic Shirley, whose only self-indulgence was binge drinking and the occasional salad sandwich. I didn__ dislike Shirley. I was afraid of her. Shirley knew things I didn__.

It__ hard to feel supported when you can__ tell people everything. People haven__ really got a clue what it__ like. It__ hard to trust anyone. It__ hard to believe people won__ let you down. I__ feeling like I want to cry. My body feels hollow. Empty. I don__ feel like I__ 17. I feel young. I__ not sure how old, maybe about 10 yrs. It__ hard to accept that I can__ get all the support I need from one person. From any person. It__ hard that no one can fully understand. It__ hard for me to admit that inside I feel a really lonely person. What do I need to do to take care of myself right now? Well I need to cuddle my teddies _ it sounds silly, but I need some comfort... I was still cuddling teddies when I should have been cuddling boys. The sick imagery in my mind, rather than making me sexually active, had closed that door completely.