humor

Imogene Duckworthy did not like pigs. She was fairly fond of cattle, having grown up surrounded by them. She hadn't been around pigs much. In fact, this was the first time she'd ever driven toward a pig farm.

I hate when I look in my closet and find clothes instead of Narnia.

Remember! Reality's an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold! Byeeee!

PDR: Persons of Dubious Reality; refugees from the collective consciousness. Uninvited visitors who have fallen through the grating that divides the real, from the written. They arrive with their actions hardwired due to their repetitious existence and the older and more basic they are, the more rigidly they stick to them. Characters from cautionary tales are particularly mindless; they do what they do because it's what they've always done.And it's our job to stop them.

I swear, when that woman dies, she'll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit

Mr. Satterthwaite looked cheered. Suddenly an idea struck him. His jaw fell. "My goodness," he cried, "I've only just realized it! That rascal, with his poisoned cocktail! Anyone might have drunk it! It might have been me!""There is an even more terrible possibility that you have not considered," said Poirot. "Eh?""It might have been me," said Hercule Poirot.

That's it, Uncle Huey!" Imogene Duckworthy whipped off her apron and flung it onto the slick, stainless steel counter. "I quit!" If only her voice didn__ sound so young.

Immy knocked on his open door. "Mr. Mallett?"The look on his narrow face was pained. "What's with the Mr. Mallett? When you don't call me Mike, it's usually trouble.

It may be appropriate to quote a statement of Poincare, who said (partly in jest no doubt) that there must be something mysterious about the normal law since mathematicians think it is a law of nature whereas physicists are convinced that it is a mathematical theorem.

If I__ going down, I__ going down with lipstick on.

Your novels show only the tiniest fraction of detective work, the brilliant crime, the tantalizing clues, the dramatic chase, the final battle atop a lofty peak with ocean waves crashing down below, and then_ justice served! If they wrote about the real world, four-fifths of the story would consist of the hero sitting in a library for months and following false leads.

Lucille,_ Norma Jean whispered loud enough for me to hear from my foliage hideout. She leaned over her walker and adjusted her glasses. __s that Willis Harvey up front by Elsa?___ell, pinch my pooch, I believe it is,_ Lucille said. __ barely recognize him with his clothes on.

I knew that kind of thinking was paranoid, but after the wacky crap that had happened to me over the last couple of months, these days I__ be suspicious of a jolly white-bearded man in a red suit carrying a bag over his shoulder.(Violet Parker)

Simon's brain tried to comprehend the situation. 'Was an international supermodel really holding Doc Gutson, leader of the infamous Bloodworth Gang, captive?

Violet Lynn Parker, you__ better spill or I__l start bellowing __appy Birthday_ to you in my Bobcat Goldthwait voice.

Just making the cement now, only takes five minutes.""I did it in four once," Pauly whispered boastfully to Johnny, "but if I'm honest, I was never completely happy that it set properly.""Who was it for?""Big Joe the Hammer.""Oh, yeah," Johnny nodded. "Didn't I hear he was spotted in Vegas a few weeks back?"Pauly nodded morosely."Yeah, like I said, I didn't think it had set properly.

Ah ha!" the Doc screeched suddenly, wheeling around. "The salicylic acid! Maybe it SHOULD have been heated first!

I__ not __tubborn.____h, really?__ifting my chin, I said, ____ determined._ (Violet to Doc)