heartbreak

I lost myself in the burden of trying to be your savior.

When your heart is broken, it__ easier to follow rules

I remember all the things we said we'd doAnd how not a single thing we said was true

When she came to her senses again she cut off all contact with him. It had not been easy, but she had steeled herself. The last time she saw him she was standing on a platform in the tunnelbana at Gamla Stan and he was sitting in the train on his way downtown. She had stared at him for a whole minute and decided that she did not have a grain of feeling left, because it would have been the same as bleeding to death. Fuck you.

Coming down for the thousandth time, I'm perched on the precipice of a billion broken promises. I'm speeding through the intersections of my own broken heartstrings, blowing red lights and ignoring red flags. I'm thinking, 'history repeats itself.' I'm wondering why. The world outside is still happening also.

There are rules you've gotta follow when you fuck to forget. A body's only a temple if and when you treat it like one, but a heart can still break even if you never put it together properly in the first place.

It__ so hard not to be fascinated by the broken, to remember that a boy with a sad smile and a pretty face is not the boy that you should fall in love with.

Most things break, including hearts. The lessons of life amount not towisdom, but to scar tissue and callus.

It is strange how often a heart must be broken Before the years can make it wise.

Another piano falls, but this time it__ me_ or my lascivious loneliness, or my grab bag of mental instabilities and emotional shortcomings, or whatever.

Macbeth: How does your patient, doctor?Doctor: Not so sick, my lord, as she is troubled with thick-coming fancies that keep her from rest.Macbeth: Cure her of that! Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased, pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow, raze out the written troubles of the brain, and with some sweet oblivious antidote cleanse the stuffed bosom of that perilous stuff which weighs upon her heart.Doctor: Therein the patient must minister to himself.

I am starting to acceptthat you never loved me.And it's sadbecause I don't think you seehow beautiful you are to me.Your face was the lightthat chased away the shadows,every nightmare, every fear.But you burned out and nowI'm learning to be afraidof the dark once again.

...being Lulu, it made me realize that all my life I've been living in a small, square room, with no windows and no doors. And I was fine. I was happy, even. I thought. Then someone came along and showed me there was a door in the room. One that I'd never even seen before. Then he opened it for me. Held my hand as I walked through it. And for one perfect day, I was on the other side. I was somewhere else. Someone else. And then he was gone, and I was thrown back into my little room. And now, no matter what I do, I can't seem to find that door.

The Temperature is RisingThe heartbeat quickens my breath is controlled,my senses are illuminated like a mother to her young. This feeling I have I've know it before, when the gates are opened I'll remember the beginning. Awaiting, dreaming imagining the endless possibilities of moments together as I give into my desires. My body reacts it has a mind of its own leaving little clues yet I continue on. Poised and professional I cross my origin the passion that awaits it stirs like a simmer. The sweet aroma a treat being made just for him I know he will like, the hunger in his eyes his mouth soft and strong it only took me a moment as he continued to look on. I didn't even recognize my sound as I was in a sphere all alone I hoped and imagined it would be but my mind was left in awe like sweet chocolate after a meal.

... but I could also write about love. How a hand can silence thousands of voices and how someone__ smell can make you feel at home even though you__e a million miles away fromhomeand have you ever hurt someone you love? Because you__e angry. Because you__e disappointed and sad and you just really wanted to love and be loved in returnbut life got in the way and you both said things that should never be said and you__e angry but don__ know how to. Because you still feel this strange love for him, but you__e also fucking angry and you want to hit him, but then hug him because hurting him is hurting yourself, and then hit him again because you__e angry! and so you fall on your knees because you__e hopeless to yourself and your own emotionsand that__ love, my friend.

When you leave,weary of me,without a word I shall gently let you go.

Was it hard?" I ask.Letting go?"Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real.

We dreamt of a crappy apartment somewhereMaking love while we let the midnight airFlow through the open window, into our closed heartsLeft bitter from heartbreak and too much time apart