dictums

An expensive coffin does not decrease the deceased__ chances of going to hell.

Unless they are off duty, no matter how wide it is, and even when it is sincere, a smile seems fake if the job description of the person who is smiling includes smiling.

You cannot be truly humble, unless you truly believe that life can and will go on without you.

The kind of lies that someone tells us gives us an idea of how stupid, knowledgeable, intelligent, or ignorant they are _ or they think we are.

Many a death was precipitated by the food, the job, or the medication whose main function was to postpone it.

When in court, the primary role of lawyers is not to prove or disprove innocence; unbeknown to almost all lawyers and their clients, it is to save the court time.

The death of a billionaire is worth more to the media than the lives of a billion poor people.

We all have problems. Or rather, everyone has at least one thing that they regard as a problem.

One of the main functions of a push-up bra is to lower the number of mothers who seem like mothers.

Being bored is the price we pay for not being insane.

We are loved way more by some of the people who have not contacted us in the last twelve or so months than we are loved by some of those who contact us every twelve or so days _ or hours.

Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying the average person would rather be someone they are not.

More often than not, expecting to lose weight without first losing the diet that made the weight loss necessary is like expecting a pig to be spotless after hosing it down while it was still rolling in mud.

Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human being or pretending to be pained by that.

Most human beings strongly believe that money is way less important than the life of a human being, but in reality five hundred, fifty, or even five dollars are way more important to the lives of most human beings than the lives of most human beings.

Bigheadedness is usually a symptom of small-mindedness.

The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only person who someone is sleeping with does not necessarily mean that he or she loves you.

Some people will hate you for not loving them.