chick-lit

Maybe life does suck, Pork Chop, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

Beauty is only skin deep, but who gives a shit what's under their skin anyway?

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.

I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet

Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes.

Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier.

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass.

Women have to be in the mood for sex. Men have to be breathing.

You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you.

Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.

In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.

Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores.

Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either.

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.