Quote Detail

it__ a terrible feeling when you first fall in love. your mind gets completely taken over, you can__ function properly anymore. the world turns into a dream place, nothing seems real. you forget your keys, no one seems to be talking English and even if they are you don__ care as you can__ hear what they__e saying anyway, and it doesn__ matter since your not really there. things you cared about before don__ seem to matter anymore and things you didn__ think you cared about suddenly do. I must become a brilliant cook, I don__ want to waste time seeing my friends when I could be with him, I feel no sympathy for all those people in India killed by an earthquake last night; what is the matter with me? It__ a kind of hell, but you feel like your in heaven.even your body goes out of control, you can__ eat, you don__ sleep properly, your legs turn to jelly as your not sure where the floor is anymore. you have butterflies permanently, not only in your tummy but all over your body - your hands, your shoulders, your chest, your eyes everything__ just a jangling mess of nerve endings tingling with fire. it makes you feel so alive. and yet its like being suffocated, you don__ seem to be able to see or hear anything real anymore, its like people are speaking to you through treacle, and so you stay in your cosy place with him, the place that only you two understand. occasionally your forced to come up for air by your biggest enemy, Real Life, so you do the minimum then head back down under your love blanket for more, knowing it__ uncomfortable but compulsory.and then, once you think you__e got him, the panic sets in. what if he goes off me? what if I blow it, say the wrong thing? what if he meets someone better than me? Prettier, thinner, funnier, more like him? who doesn__ bite there nails? perhaps he doesn__ feel the same, maybe this is all in my head and this is just a quick fling for him. why did I tell him that stupid story about not owning up that I knew who spilt the ink on the teachers bag and so everyone was punished for it? does he think I'm a liar? what if I'm not very good at that blow job thing and he__ just being patient with me? he says he loves me; yes, well, we can all say words, can__ we? perhaps he__ just being polite.of course you do your best to keep all this to yourself, you don__ want him to think you're a neurotic nutcase, but now when he__ away doing Real Life it__ agony, your mind won__ leave you alone, it tortures you and examines your every moment spent together, pointing out how stupid you__e been to allow yourself to get this carried away, how insane you are to imagine someone would feel like that about you. dad did his best to reassure me, but nothing he said made a difference - it was like I wanted to see Simon, but didn__ want him to see me.