He's the boy who smokes Marlboro cigarettes and I'm the girl who makes theater puppets. Dreams and ashes__wo things in the universe that should never meet because they are opposites, right?
We have to think of a question that we wouldn't otherwise want to answer.'He stood over the pot, looking down at the leaves. 'Something like, Who do you fancy?''That might work,' I said, even though it was the last question I wanted to answer. But it was impossible, suddenly, to tell a lie.Benjamin took a deep sniff over the steam and turned to me. 'All right,' he said. 'So who do you fancy?'I hesitated. 'Fancy means like, right?' I said stalling.'Of course.'I gritted my teeth against the answer coming out. but I couldn't stop myself. 'You,' I said helplessly.
The Apothecary
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We have to think of a question that we wouldn't otherwise want to answer.'He stood over the pot, looking down at the leaves. 'Something like, Who do you fancy?''That might work,' I said, even though it was the last question I wanted to answer. But it was impossible, suddenly, to tell a lie.Benjamin took a deep sniff over the steam and turned to me. 'All right,' he said. 'So who do you fancy?'I hesitated. 'Fancy means like, right?' I said stalling.'Of course.'I gritted my teeth against the answer coming out. but I couldn't stop myself. 'You,' I said helplessly.
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And sometimes I believe your relentless analysis of June leaves something out, which is your feeling for her beyond knowledge, or in spite of knowledge. I often see how you sob over what you destroy, how you want to stop and just worship; and you do stop, and then a moment later you are at it again with a knife, like a surgeon.What will you do after you have revealed all there is to know about June? Truth. What ferocity in your quest of it. You destroy and you suffer. In some strange way I am not with you, I am against you. We are destined to hold two truths. I love you and I fight you. And you, the same. We will be stronger for it, each of us, stronger with our love and our hate. When you caricature and nail down and tear apart, I hate you. I want to answer you, not with weak or stupid poetry but with a wonder as strong as your reality. I want to fight your surgical knife with all the occult and magical forces of the world.
I feel as though I should say something profound, or enact some rite, or trade something to make it official. I want to transfer some trinket which would allow me to say that she's my girl, some kind of currency that proves to people that she likes me back. Something that would permit me to think about her all the time without feeling guilty or helpless or hopelessly far away. I guess I'm just so excited, I want to cage this thing like a tiny red bird so if can't fly away, so it stays the same, so it's still there the next time. For keeps, like a coin in your pocket. Like a peach pit from Mad Jack Lionel's tree. Like scribbled words in a locked suitcase. A bright balloon to tie to your bedpost. And you want to hug it close, hold it, but not so tight it bursts.
I'm so alive.As I stand facing the beauty of the never-ending Pacific Ocean, a late afternoon breeze blows down from the hills behind. As always, it is a beautiful day. The sun is making its final descent. The magic is about to begin. The skies are ready to burn with brilliance, as it turns from a soft blue to a bright orange. Looking towards the West, I stare in awe at the hypnotic power of the waves. A giant curl begins to take form, then breaks with a thundering clap as it crashes on the shore.
It doesn't matter who you were or what you've done in the past. The only thing that matters is who you are right now.
I was just existing, but he made me want to live.