Tina Fey

I was walking home alone from school and I was wearing a dress. A dude drove by and yelled, "Nice tits." Embarrassed and enraged, I screamed after him, "Suck my dick.

Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity

This worked out perfectly for me in college, because what nineteen-year-old Virginia boy doesn't want a wide-hipped, sarcastic Greek girl with short hair that's permed on top? What's that you say? None of them want that? You are correct.

It__ a great lesson about not being too precious about your writing. You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go. You can__ be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it_You have to let people see what you wrote.

In improv there are no mistakes, only beautiful happy accidents. And many of the world__ greatest discoveries have been by accident.

My first job as assistant director was to make sure he didn't cast the talented blond dancer who had so easily stolen my boyfriend the summer before. I accomplished this with the persistent and skilled manipulation of a grade A bitch.

(My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.)

Lots of teenage girls have taken comfort under the wings of half-closeted gay boys.

Someone should do a study of the human brain and how quickly it can adjust to luxury.

Everyone is quiet. Which is the wooooooorst. It__ scary when a group of people all know instinctively not to joke around.

I have one top-notch baby with whom I am in love. It's a head-over-heels "first love" kind of thing, because I pay for everything and all we do is hold hands.

Was it too much to expect the rest of the world to care about grammar or pay attention to details?